Evil Technology Rears Its Ugly Head Again!

And so it begins again... brought to my attention by a certain infamous radio personality, Eric Stone:

http://www.kcrg.com/subject/news/truck-driver-blames-bad-gps-directions-for-driving-on-heritage-trail-20140714

Evil technology is trying to destroy us financially, ruin our infrastructure, recreational and work places, educational foundation, and generally hamper our society as much as possible. All of this under the guise of advancement and bringing the world to our fingertips with ease.

In a top secret document uncovered by the Mookified Compound's Intelligence community the last half of that sentence actually reads as a paraphrasing of Evil Tech's official mission statement To promote the advancement of robots and bringing the world's population to its knees, and decimating them with their own fingertips

I've seen it time and time again... Bot crawlers trying to ruin your online forums for spreading STDs by tricking you into giving your credit card up to porn sites under the promise of "hooking up with a real chick!" In the end- this is what you guys will get:

Back in the old days when the world was entirely real, we just went to bars and whorehouses. While I have been to these places, I am so far unsuccessful at picking up STDs. Now don't feel bad for me..I was just avoiding the need to visit doctors who insist on injecting me with mercury based injections that could cause me or future generations of mes from developing autism. Evil Tech started early with such "life-saving" methods of getting literally under our skin and innoculating us, not against biological hazards, but from seeing the true intention of their brutish evil.

In the past, I've seen technology screw things up. In former employment, Google maps tried to send me to an entirely wrong part of town when seeking directions to an alarm I had to respond to. I've seen the wonderful addictions of cell phone usage replace the whole "putting on makeup while driving" lead to many traffic accidents, some fatal. I've worked in facilities where the lighting system was controlled entirely by computerized electronics. No simple flick of the lightswitch, and at some point, even the central control office losing control over the system. All of this the result of being the next newest most high tech civilization. And Evil Tech spawns little evil minions called hackers who will exploit our weaknesses and destroy us all...starting with our credit, then our identity altogether, and eventually a super hacker will arrive and it will be like the movie, "Live Free or Die Hard". Unfortunately, we wont have some rogue cop action superhero to save us from our own folly...and you know why? He's too busy trying to advance TO THE NEXT LEVEL OF CANDY CRUSH!

Higher, faster running technology means less people are needed to work. Supposedly, just as with the sales pitch for salary, this will free us up for more fun in life. As we've seen with salary, people are now convinced they are happy to get paid for 40 hours of work that they manage to squeeze into 50 or 60 or 70 hours every week! And technology projects... say the building of Facebook server warehouses here in central Iowa... short term there will be a LOT of construction jobs...and then for permanent jobs...few dozen at best. And quite a few million dollars later, and most likely little to no tax revenue coming in for it, we'll pay for the infrastructure we'll have to maintain with millions of more dollars. In the meantime, with less jobs, we'll be left to roam around, a little pissed off that we can't afford to do anything because robots have taken our jobs...we'll resort to stealing copper piping out of houses. some abandoned, others not so much. And yet we wont be happy until we get our next iPhone or iPad or whatever iDontgiveacrap gadget, only to find out that despite buying it after beating up 24 people to be the first in line to get it, we could've waited 6 months, got something 20 times "better" at half the price. And then we'll be pissed off again. But don't worry, we can get gas cheaper now because of technology. Why?
because we turned our food product into fuel for our cars. and TAXPAYERS will subsidize it for you, so its 23 cents a gallon cheaper than that old fossil fuel technology! sure it wont get you as far since it burns hotter and faster, but just think about that whole $3.00 or so you saved on a full tank of gas. That'll make up for your loss of 5-8 miles/gallon mileage. And the lack of cheaper fresher food for people, and the polluted waterways.

So I just looked at my dog. She scratched the inside of her ear with her hind foot. Then she proceeded to sniff that foot and then lick it. Kind of gross, sure...but she's happy, and without a cell phone, or the internet. just a stick, a tennis ball, and the remnants of some stuffed animal the kids gave her to rip the stuffing out of when playing.

So, as long as I am here, at least I can save her from being ruled by all these evil technologies. Unless of course they mandate dogs learning algebra and trigonometry...then she'll need an expensive calculator to figure it out, and on down the road to perdition she goes. And she wont actually learn anything...technology made math functions easy to perform without actually knowing what the hell your doing. And people can't even count back change properly these days... they already need a machine that showed them pictures to help them punch in what you ordered to show them how much change you get back. Sadly, if those people get that $15/hour I've heard about being protested for... they'll fire a few people at every restaurant to make up the difference. And any new hires will be required to have advanced college degrees in culinary arts, or french fry management or some other new courses that are limited in scope...which you can obtain that degree for something in the neighborhood of $100 Billion (the cost of tenured professors is sky high! We'll nevermind that they are still teaching you the same material since 1986), unless you go the online route and sign up for your University of America Online

(AOL will find its own resurgence to the forefront) Degree of Burgerology for just $100K/year for 2-4 years. And for that expensive piece of paper, you can get yourself one of those highly coveted $15/hour jobs. Of course it'll take one hour of work to afford your Big Mac, with the employee discount. If you want a drink or fries with it...forget it. And then all the employees will secretly be operating as a gang of Hamburglars!

But Evil Tech has that covered...their 24/7 operating security cameras (designed to protect the employees!) will catch them in their scavenging ways and fire them.

And then they'll be forced to find new jobs... luckily they have their GPS to mislead them down the road to the next place, where they will face charges from the police, who will be driving Satellite guided mine sweeping tanks with 4 Bazillion horsepower engines run on 142% Ethanol blend that gives them an astonishing 6 miles to the gallon. But no worries, if they cant catch you before running out of gas... the big huge missile launcher will make up the distance and fry your poor ass worse than the french fries you got caught stealing!