Bats Attack!!!!

Well, as the single digit temps descended over Iowa, the bat problem is striking again. And again, it is the terrorists' favorite target, the Hoyt Sherman Place. This old mansion seems to be a clearinghouse of nooks and crannies for bats to hide out. And every now and then, they take a few flights in front of the motion detectors, which means I get called to go see what the hell is going on. As usual, I call up my supervisor and make him go there with me. The place is too creepy at night to not have someone there to hold your hand.

This time, we get there, I turn off the alarm system, and no sooner than I hit the lights in the lobby area, the winged terrorist comes flying at us, unleashing the possibility of a rabies-laden attack upon the Mookist general, and his compadre. It's time to go to work eliminating these terrorist sumbitches. Last night,, we were armed with the most primitive of weaponry, the dreaded orange cones (think traffic cones). We finally convinced this monstrous and EFFING HUGE bat to roost in his normal terrorist-trained upside down position at the top of a door across the room. I wheeled around to the left with my cone and my GI Joe-like ninja skills avoiding the bats detection, while my supervisor Casey held the middle ground to the entry vestibule in check. A quick toss, and BAT DOWN, BAT DOWN!!! We placed the cone over him, and I moved to go write up the alarm response sheet at a nearby desk. The bat was sliding underneath the cone towards the door he had previously hung from, trying to escape underneath the locked door that I did not possess a key for. WE stopped him as he was 3/4 of the way through in his backstroke maneuver to freedom. The next step was to fully retrieve the little rat faced bastard from underneath the door. Ever cautious of possible rabies infections from bites or scratches, we searched for something to get a grip on the terrorist and bring him back into the light and under our guard. (The next moment gets a bit gruesome, so weak stomached people stop reading here, and go to your happy place.)

Casey did NOT hand me his pocketknife, and I did NOT use it to stab the winged terrorist in a pinning hold to drag him out. Right after we did NOT do those things, I hear Casey yell out some unsavory words, and mentioned something about another bat. Apparently our NOT piercing the first terrorists skin did NOT release pheromones and a rescue signal to his terrorist partner, who then began to dive bomb us all over the lobby. We placed a nicely weighted bucket over Bat #1, grabbed our cones, and proceeded to go after the 2nd insurgent. After a few strafing runs, the 2nd bat went up the stairwell to the main theater entry hall, strafed us a couple more times, then went up another level, where we lost him in the dark.

We were both disappointed in that result. 1- We enjoy the bat calls, as they are one of the most exciting, and scary moments on the job. 2- We don't necessarily want to be called back if another bat sets off the alarm system, which takes time away from our other duties. And 3- Losing a live terrorist only serves to degradate our reputation as elite rentacops turned combat commandos.

Surely we will be back again, as these winged marauders will start trouble again, trying to dissuade us of our nightly missions, and cause us to give up and go home, allowing the terrorists to claim victory over rentacops and more notably, the Mookist forces. WE will never EVER give in to these terrorists if it takes our entire lifetime to rid our alarm response accounts of these rabies-harboring little (and sometimes not so little) rat-faced bastards. WE intend to NOT kill them all, because killing them would be considered illegal, depending on the species anyways, and I'm no bat-ologist (yes this is a technical term meaning studier of bats), so I can't tell which ones are fair game or not. All I'm saying is if they just happen to have sudden cardiac arrest at the exact moment they tangle with us, well, that's either God or Darwin speaking.

It IS Haunted, I Don't Care What Anyone Says

After having heard some stories about Hoyt Sherman Place here in Des Moines, a few of us thought to look up the "known" haunted locations here in Des Moines, Iowa. When googling "haunted places in des moines" and "haunted places in Iowa" one gets millions of hits because even when using "" (<---these) around a phrase, you still get hits for anything that involves any of these words. I swear people could have told me that googling made research easier, but to me it seems to cloud things up worse than before. Maybe I just havent mastered the art of google. But either way, Hoyt Sherman was not listed. However, while for the purposes of finding a picture of the mansion known as Hoyt Shermna Place, I came across a link to paranormal investigators having done an investigation at this very location. Pretty dry read, adn no good stories or anything that really make fo rgood listening/reading, but here it is:

http://desmoinesparanormal.webs.com/hoytshermanplace.htm

So anyways, you have heard me talk about this place before, if you were reading my blog back during the infamous bat attacks rentacop incidents, earlier this summer. I may have even blogged about the time I was there respnding to an alarm with a fellow patrolman, who lifted the skirt of the stage in the theatre. After having been there 10 minutes already, this simple action suddenly led to very soft playing music, something that sounded like it was out of the 1920s or 30s. Creepy stuff to be sure. I was definitely ready to leave upon that.

Well, last night, or rather this morning at about 4am, things got a whole lot creepier. And by a whole lot, I mean, I'd rather pee my pants in public than step foot in that place after the lights have been turned out, and especially never again while I'm alone.

So, I was chatting with my supervisor, Stew, when I got the call from the alarm company saying they had motion in one of the emergency exit stairwells. My supervisor offered to come along, which was okay by me, I prefer to have company while I'm there anyways. This place is rather big and kind of scary. So we get there, and this particular zone is on the theater side of the building, (there is the house, and then there is the theatre... the alarm system is set up to montior them as separate zones altogether), so we enter in through the theater entrance. We make our way down through the floor level seating, and I notice a stocking cap laying in front of one of the seats. No big deal, they are showcasing The Nutcracker, and someone who watched the show probably lost track of it and left without it. I set it on the front of the stage as we head to check the stairwells, and all the back storage and dressing rooms.

When we come back out, the hat is no longer on the stage. Okay, no need to panic just yet. Maybe the keyholder, who is the maintenance man (I believe) got called as well, like usual when we have an alarm. He must've come through while we were in the other rooms, saw the hat and grabbed it to take to the lost and found depository. Having cleared the theater side, we decide to go into the house to see the keyholder and let him know that nothing is wrong. Well, the door is locked that wil take you into the house side of this monstrous building. Not that unusual, but when I unlock it, the alarm goes off for the house side, which means...noone else is there. However, in that old sitting room that serves as a side lobby, there are some sculpted busts. On top of one particular busts, sits this blue and white stocking cap...just like the one we found in the theater, which I had left on the stage. Now this is just far too creepy for me, and as well for Stew. We quickly took care of the alarm system, rearmed it, locked that place up and got the hell out of dodge.

I think the next time that alarm comes up, I'm either sending someone there and handing them the keys to take care of it, or I'm coming in with full intentions on torching that place. Bats are one thing....hats moving from one side of the place to another, through locked doors and not setting off alarms, and noone else seen on sight...well, that's totally different, and it aint cool at all. I'll be the first one to tell you, that my little macho image is truly stricken dead when this kind of stuff happens!