Spring Report From the Colonel

From The Desk Of:

Col. Beauregard Sterling Lovell, Mookified Army, Feline Brigade, Commanding


Once again Spring has arrived, and it is time for my quarterly report. So lets get to it, I haven't much time for you people unless you plan on feeding me or letting me outside.

Health Report on the Colonel: Eating the same old dry cat food crap. No tasty live vittles for this guy. Recently underwent annual health inspection from just another lowly veterinarian. As a member of the Mookified Fighting Forces, this is taxpayer subsidized health care at its finest. You know, General Mook is always bragging about his state of the art James Medical Institution he co-founded. Sure they can make a simple one-time vaccine for cootie to help people out, but I still have to get a freaking distemper shot every year. State of the art my furry butt. The doctors say that while my Kitty-crack (that's catnip to you wise acres) addiction is under control, that I'm going to have to cut down on my cigar smoking. I'm not so sure how I feel about this. I may have to quit sneaking out and hanging with the Godfather when the General isn't paying attention. Besides that, the Godfather keeps brand name cereal around. Much better than this store brand crap the General's wife keeps buying. I think its sub par processed cereal material that has led me to a serious bout of cabin fever, and causing me to climb up every file cabinet, bookcase, or armoire available.

Economy: The economy, I am proud to say is in good condition. The fecal output is good, reeeaaall good. Air pollution reducers are being enacted for a better quality environment. And as a part of that economic benefit comes from using the recyclables I grab out of their container to help further bury the fecal material. Win-win proposition for me. Keep up my industriousness, while satisfying the "greenies" need to reduce flooding the atmosphere with my stuff.

Education: Happy to report all is well here, and I am learning absolutely nothing. I mean hey, whats the point of furthering one's education when you have people around to do a cat's (much less a fat cat Colonel) bidding?

Security: Here is one area that I, as the Colonel in this outfit, have found lacking. Since the receding glaciers have given way to more moderate temperatures, those dastardly birds have returned yet again. They are nesting above the Deck outpost. They are using sappers to take up posts on the deck itself. I fear it will only be days before the squirrels join them in harassing us further. The General has put an end to recon patrols outside the command post. Something about invading the area above our compound, or another stupid excuse for the man to keep me down.

I thought at first we were finally going to be proactive in our security measures. It appears that the one they call Buggy made a bird-feeding treat, and the General's wife hung it up out on the deck. Surely we were planning to lure the enemy in with a baited trap where I would be able to use my finely honed skills to eliminate them one by one. But I was ushered back inside. I plan on filing a formal complaint with the General later. I'm sure he'll find the time to lose it with all the bureaucratic paperwork he makes up to waste his time.

Clearly this is something that must be taken care of. Had the General's wife not put the kibosh on me getting my own executive officer, we would have this outfit in fine shape. However, given that I was denied my request, stewardship of the compound under General Mook has become rather lackluster.

In summary, we are at about 75-80% okay so far. However, should this security matter not be taken care of, all else may be in danger of collapsing. Please, send help, or the ASPCA or whoever is in charge of making sure I have a good home.

Iowa Lawmakers Still Considering Smoking Ban Options

A majority of state representatives is supporting legislation to allow smoking in outdoor areas of bars and restaurants, but a House leader says efforts to alter Iowa’s smoking ban still have little chance to pass this year.

Smoking would be allowed in outdoor seating and serving areas of bars and restaurants under House File 211. Currently, those areas are almost entirely restricted.


Rep. McKinley Bailey, D-Webster City, who is leading the effort, said many lawmakers did not intend for the outdoor areas to have smoking prohibitions and that the health department overstepped its authority in the rule-making process.

But a health official noted the law specifically says smoking is prohibited in “outdoor seating or serving areas of restaurants.”

“That is the law. Even if we wanted to change it some way, we couldn’t,” said Bonnie Mapes of the state’s health department.

Twenty-three Democrats and 28 Republicans have signed onto the bill. The supporters include Speaker Pro Tem Polly Bukta, D-Clinton, and Assistant Minority Leader Jeff Kaufmann, R-Wilton.

Democratic leaders have said it is unlikely that changes would be made to last year’s smoking ban. The ban was narrowly passed last year and reopening debate could cause the ban to be reversed, they have said.

“We’re basically trying to fix what we believe the Department of Public Health messed up in the rules process last year,” Bailey said.

House File 211 also allows smoking in theatrical productions. The bill has not yet passed a subcommittee.

So far this year, at least four other smoking bills have been introduced, some that would add additional smoking restrictions, such as Senate File 57, that would ban smoking in gambling areas of casinos. Seventeen senators have signed their names as sponsors of that bill.

House Speaker Pat Murphy, D-Dubuque, said majority leaders in both the House and the Senate have discussed the smoking issue and agree that they have no plans to debate any of the bills this year.

“I still think it’s highly unlikely we would take up a bill that would not go anywhere in the Senate,” Murphy said. “We’re focusing on balancing the budget, dealing with disaster priorities, working with the federal government on a stimulus package and what we can do to create jobs to offset what’s going on in the economy.”


NOW..go back to the previously boldly highlighted statements. Is it just me, or does the health department's spokesperson not make any sense. Its a law and we cant change it? Wasn't it NOT a law before, but our lawMAKERS changed the game by making a law? Haven't many laws been changed, ammended, or overridden by new laws multiple times in our history?? Isn't that how they change things?

Big Brother Coming to a Neighborhood Bake Sale Near You

Thanks to Linda WHOOPS...I mean LYNDA (sorry) at What Is Going On? for reprinting this, and to Sandy at the Junkfood Science blog, for providing this to us:

It’s already being called Posole-gate.

“The more we look to the government to protect us, the more freedoms we lose,” said one resident. This became a reality today when government health officials went after an 84-year old tradition and told the nuns at St. Francis Xavier Catholic Church in Albuquerque, New Mexico, that their church dinner of homemade posole, tamales and biscochitos was against the law. Every December 14th, after the Our Lady of Guadalupe procession, church ladies have served traditional posole and biscochitos for parishioners and the public. The Environment Health Department, however, determined the potluck was a threat to public safety and a violation of the city’s food ordinance.

“Our concern here is only about public safety,” John Soladay, Albuquerque’s environmental health director, told the Albuquerque Journal. Homemade food doesn’t comply with city law, which is intended to protect the public from contaminated food, he said. It’s no different from homemade cupcakes and cookies, nachos and popcorn no longer being allowed in schools because they might put children at risk of foodborne illnesses.

I wasn’t aware that there have been far too many people poisoned, made ill, by participating in Community Pot-Luck style meals.

Schools and churches and community centers of all kinds have been holding/hosting pot-luck dinners, bake sales, picnics for decades………..all of them open to the public. I’ve never seen any news reports of outbreaks of illness because of this. The only stories like it I’ve seen have been from cruise ships/restaurants/produce we buy in the stores!!!

According to the story in the Albuquerque Journal a city official states:

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

No Home Cookin’ at Festival

COPYRIGHT:Copyright 2008 Albuquerque Journal

By Olivier Uyttebrouck
Journal Staff Writer

A city official said Tuesday that because the event is open to the public, the church must abide by city laws for food handling and distribution.

“Our concern here is only about public safety,” said John Soladay, Albuquerque’s environmental health director.

City law “stipulates that food prepared for distribution to the public must be prepared in an approved kitchen,” he said. “Food prepared at home does not meet that criteria.”

The city ordinance is intended to protect the public from contaminated food, he said.

So, food prepared at home doesn’t meet the cities safety standards? Then why are people allowed to poison themselves? I mean if you don’t trust the people to cook for their friends and neighbors for a block party, then why trust them to cook for themselves?


All this “safety” nonsense is going way too far now if you ask me. This festival has been held for more that three-quarters of a century and NOW the city wants to pull this crap? Talk about government going too far. It’s enough to make me want to cook up a storm and offer the food on my front lawn to anyone who passes by!!

What’s next? Can’t feed your guests because you might have contaminated food? Well guess what? THERE IS NO GUARANTEE THAT THE CHEMICALLY LADEN FOOD IN THE STORES IS ANY SAFER!!!!