Welcome to 2011

Okay, so first post of the year. Lots of stuff going on, or not going on. Not really sure how things got to where they are, but they are here, and I'm going to try to figure them out.

1. I have a cell phone. Yes, I know. I said I would never ever own one. Turns out it became a bit of a necessity, and I have to thank my buddy and brother Stew for lending me a hand on this one and providing me with a line on his account. And NO, you can't have my number. Just because I own one, does not mean I'm going to use it. I'll keep it around as a paper weight between calls from my parents or my kids' school.

2. I have been without computer or Internet for awhile now. I can thank my mom and dad, and our friend Steve, for having an extra desktop that found its way to the Mookified Compound. I can thank my Aunt Denise and Uncle Bill for setting me up with 3 months of Internet at no cost to me, while I get back on my feet, financially speaking. So now you can all get your regular updates on the Colonel wreaking havoc and unleashing (ironically enough) the Dogs of War! As well as the occasional updates on what the young Mooks are up to in an effort to maintain a steady presence of hilarity in life.

3. The most recent Census has the Mookified Compound down to 2 full time citizens, now, with 2 other dual-citizenship residents in the form of the Little Mooks. Since the cat is out of the bag with both families, I guess I can get it off my chest now. I have recently found myself to be a single father, as my wife relocated to her own apartment along with our sons. There is no need to speculate on the details, as those are private, and fault always lays with both adult parties. She is still the mother of my children, and essentially off limits when speaking to me. You're free to hold whatever opinions about either of us, but I don't need to hear about it. We are working together to make sure the kids can lead as normal a life as possible, given the two-home situation now, and we are relating amicably. It was a nice long run, of just shy of 14 years since our first date, and 10 1/2 years of marriage. Somewhere along the line, the flames burned out. I guess I got complacent and took her for granted for far too long without realizing the path it would take us down. She is/was the love of my life, and it sucks, but it is what it is. I regret none of it (minus the fact that it took a wrong turn and ended), and will cherish the memories for the rest of my life. I can only wish her the best life has to offer from this point forward.

So I find myself in a slightly sparser (is that a word?) apartment. I have had great help from people in the form of well wishing, lending me a hand in moving furniture into here to make it a home, food,etc etc etc. So I set out to decorate it more in my own style, but not overboard. It is the abode of a single father, not a mere bachelor. But if you must know...yes there are a couple flats of ramen noodles, as there should be in any world that is halfway right. I keep them up high though, so the Colonel doesn't get any ideas about stealing and eating my ramen. He already just this morning tried to chew the power cord to the phone charger, and tried to shred my arm and hand up shortly after returning from work. I suspect a power struggle will ensue at some point. I have prepared and studied the latest techniques on smothering a cat in his sleep by an ancient Chinese wiseguy. Then maybe I'll get the recliner to myself, unless Josh is in the house. He seems to have taken it upon himself to lay claim to the recliner whenever I'm not sitting there.

So, here's to a new year, entirely new beginnings, and hoping for and working towards the best.

New Year's Resolutions

So, New Year's Day is just mere hours away. And people are getting all their New Year Resolutions in order. I predict by March that 95% of you will fail to make it through most, if not all of them. I don't say this to be mean or some kind of "negative nellie", I'm just being real.

From the Bureau of Homemade Statistics:

95% of those who make resolutions for the new year will fail to succeed in all of them. Of those that do manage to succeed, the success is based on a curve of any number of teh resolutions being attempted. 87.4% of people lie about completing just one.


For me, I'm making one last New Year's Resolution. And I should be successful in amking this one happen. It is to never make another New Year's Resolution again. EVER

This is either a pass or fail measure. I am planning for full success. Partially becauswe of the stupidity of these things, and partially because I am pretty lazy. NOT making a list of things to do seems to be easy enough. Definitely easier than actually making that list.

Plus consider this thought: Given the high failure rate of resolutions made at New Year's time, it makes a good competition with government performance. For those of you who pay attention, name the last major success of government. And don't grade on a curve. If you can't give it a legitimate "A", then it doesn't count as a success.

Besides the failure rate of resolutions, think about what making them means. It means you see needs for improvement. On its face, this seems natural as none of us are perfect. However, it means you aren't happy with your situation, or with yourself.

Well, I'm fine with me, and any problems I see must not be that bad if I'm not going to take care of them, regardless of the time fo year. New Start my ass, that can happen anytime. And if you have a problem with me or my situation (and ladies, I dont mean me being married so you can't have me, so back off that one), well then that isn't a problem for me to solve. That's your problem you have to work out on your own.

So you can either like me, put up with me, or ignore me. Anything else I'm not going to acknowledge, much less put forth an effort to change that status. I wasted far too much of my life trying to fit in with the popular crowd, also unsuccessfully. So screw it.

If you do make a resolution, I wish you luck. I just don't want to hear about it, unless you actually made good on it. And if you failed at one, don't expect me to be surprised. Its normal. I'm not all that great at aiding your pity party either, I'll just try to one up you until you get frustrated and give up.

Despite my rant, I do hope you enjoy your New Years, whether you're out celebrating or staying in.