Times use to be a lot simpler. It used to be that when you brought home a TV dinner from the store, you preheated the oven (or not), and then stuck it in there to cook for 25-28 minutes (or until fully cooked). Then technology came along and we had microwaves. We ooh'd and aah'd over how quickly our meals were hot and ready to eat. Then one day we were extra hungry, so instead of the regular TV dinner, we bought a Hungry Man meal. And in our technology driven impatience get irritated that we are now spending almost 10 whole minutes or more for our meal to be ready instead of the 5 to 6 it takes for the normal sized TV dinners. Who knew that getting your old fashioned TV dinner into your mouth 20 almost 20 minutes quicker than it was when you were growing up would be a source of great consternation? Never mind the fact that you just took a big bite of the mashed potatoes straight away and spent 5 minutes with a stupid look on your face, your mouth open trying to suck in air, along with a cold drink because the mashed potatoes were so damned hot you thought you were going to set your mouth on fire!
Back in the 90's we were lucky to find a friend with the internet in his home. With that dial-up connection that kept telemarketers from bothering you, and you had access to all kinds of information without having to go to the library anymore was just so great. The technology came along and created broadband and high speed connections, which meant even more information coming even quicker. Then you go back home and see your parents in po-dunk nowhere, where the internet is still dial-up and you find yourself pissed off because your stupid friggin email won't load fast enough. You logged on at 8am, and sometime around noon you'll be able to see just how many emails you have in your inbox. It'll be 1pm or better before you even think about reading the first one, of 50! The damned post office could get correspondence between you and a friend faster than this stupid dial-up internet stuff! Hell the Pony Express could come back, pick up your handwritten documents in Maine and have them to your cousin in California, and return with a handwritten reply by the time your stupid email finally is accessible! And God forbid you clicked the wrong link... It'll be next Wednesday before you figure out what you did and get back to where you wanted to go online.
So you go back home, where you have your high speed internet, and you log into your email only to find the page loading even slower than it was on your parents dial-up connection. Apparently your porn viewing habits led you to a few viruses. Now everything you try to do on your computer only further bogs it down until it quits working altogether. And you know, you just know, that when you call in some tech support help, both over the phone and the in your home repair guy, that they are laughing to themselves about your porn addiction. They're going to run some tests and find out you have some oddly coded error that clearly points to your Goat in High Heels Porn fetish websites...you really are a sick bastard by the way, but hey, it's your money buddy!
As some of you know, I have acquired a cell phone in the past couple months. Something I swore I'd never do, and yet, I now ashamedly admit that it is convenient, especially since I don't have a land line anymore. Most people are probably thinking at this point, who needs a land line when you have a cell phone? Well, stuff it! I'm a bit old-fashioned, and I liked it that way. This is only changing out of necessity. Or at least that's what I'm telling myself. Although if I get a lower sperm count down the road, or get some brain cancer from irradiation out of my cell phone, CEOs, and a few dear cell-phone carrying friends of mine will surely die before I do...by my hands!
Then you have the capability to link your phone number and the internet together. I'm not talking about intertwining their separate functions together somehow, although I'm sure that can be done, but it's way above my pay grade to know how. I'm talking about how you can post someone's personal information online. Like your own.
Sometimes out of a perceived necessity, desperate times call for desperate measures. So, I'm going to expose myself a bit here purely for your entertainment at my expense.
Anyways, so there is this guy, we'll call "Craig", who made an online list that you can post ads on, as well as reply to other ads. You can post a notice of a garage sale you're having, or if you want to buy or sell your home, or you can do none of those and post an ad that you are on the meat market, or reply to an ad about somebody else who put themselves on the meat market. And with a little bit of luck two perfectly good strangers can hook up and satisfy whatever needs or desires they wish to have fulfilled. Because hey, whats a good time and a couple of painful and possibly incurable STDs between strangers? Now I'm not saying I did this, but I'm also not not saying I did this.
Okay so I did this (Clearly I would never outlast any enhanced interrogation techniques by trained operatives). After a long relationship with at least semi-regular adultish activity (sex for those of you who couldn't follow my drift), it has been a long dry spell for me. Being put in a position of non-attachment, I figured what the hell. So I posted an ad and provided my contact information right there online in the form of my cellphone number in the event people wanted to bypass the more anonymous email replies. The email replies were pretty dumb. Mostly just some lame ass person trying to get you to sign up to some dating/sex/webcam website and pay money for a fantasy in your own head that you could've done with less effort before you end up just taking matters into your own hands so to speak and applying a bit of elbow grease...um, or something...
However, some real people seem to exist and reply to your ads. Some thru the email system, but a few end up texting me on my phone. SCORE!!! Mookie is in business! Well, sort of but not really. Had a few females on the line for a moment or two, but then they mysteriously disappeared without a trace... Oh well, guess you can't miss what you never had. Then I got a text one night just after I get off work, and its another female. And she sends a picture to my phone. I'm staring at a midget looking troll of a woman. Look, yes, I'm desperate for a little action, but c'mon, even a guy with face made for radio has some standards. Maybe that makes me shallow, but ask me if I care. I had a hot wife, and I'm only going to lower my standards so far before I say thanks but no thanks. And then she starts texting dirty to me...ugh! I just ignored it, as by this time I'm trying to drive the icy streets of Des Moines to do my job. I don't need the stimulation of what this troll must look like when stimulated with a little battery operated device to aid her....BLECH!
But then I get this other text another time... Things are progressing decently, and the person wants to meet me, and SOON! Details are worked out...logistically anyways. I forgot to ask a couple VERY important questions of a person who found me via the internet. Like say, a facial pic? And maybe ACTUAL Gender???? I posted on a men for women. I was naive enough to believe that only women would respond. When I'm getting close to this person's house, I sent them a text letting them know. Then the answer to one unanswered question is offered up with the simple reply: "I'm a guy."
WELL NOW! I whipped a u-turn and reversed course. Look, if you're gay, that's fine. Be gay, and have a good time with it. But don't be looking to hook and turn a straight guy out. Have some common fucking courtesy for pete's sake! I informed the guy that now the "she" I thought he was turned out to be a he, I was out. He then attempted to justify the okayedness of him performing an oratorical performance for me. (It's only..., and No one will have to know...)
Yeah no thanks. I'LL know, and that's too many people that don't want to know. Again I have no problem with gay people. Some really good friends of mine are gay. I'm happy for them, and we all accept each other for who we are and what our preferences in life might be. However, the way this dude led me on as though he was a female almost all the way up to his doorstep...well to hell with being PC, that is outright faggotry in the most evil and despicable way. And yes, I said faggotry. You don't like it, tough, deal with it, I'm not here to avoid offending people. There are gay people and there are faggots. And a gay person trying to turn out a straight guy with a bit of deception followed by trying to reason it out as to why it should happen anyways...that's a faggot, plain and simple. They have a men for men section, and women for women section. If you want to go to the list made by Craig to get in on the meat market action to find someone of your gender, you have those options plainly listed. I'm just glad for both me and that guy that he didn't let me ring the doorbell to his house. Because he would have at least ended up in the hospital and I in jail. And no, before anyone mentions the idea of Mookie committing a hate crime, no it isn't a hate crime. He would be beaten for his deceptive and lying ways, not his sexual orientation. I still shudder a bit thinking about it, but it is my own idiocy that got me there. IF I should choose to go the route of trying to obtain some meaningless satisfaction with another willing adult participant through the same medium, I will most definitely be requesting the gender AND pictorial proof of this. And even then, I may drag a buddy along with me just to make sure its kosher at the meet up.
SO yeah, technology is wonderful, but it can lead down some bad roads if you choose to go those routes...at least I didn't pick up a virus along the way
Showing posts with label dead computers. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dead computers. Show all posts
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Friday, November 26, 2010
After The Turkey Tried To Kill Me In My Sleep
So last night, as I embarked on a 12 hour workshift for the holiday, I was looking forward to a homecooked meal provided by my boss's wife. Turkey, stuffing, pumpkin pie, and a few other sides. I ate too much. This usually happens whenever I'm served copious amounts of food. I feel the need to eat and appreciate it all til the last bite is swallowed down. Savoring it, or saving any for later is not in my vocabulary. However, when it comes to the turkey, this feast is followed by a much more devious enemy...turkey coma. I spent the final 8 hours of my shift trying to fight off the urge to sleep continuously. When you're behind the wheel, that is not necessarily a good thing. But I have managed to fight it off, and am still up in the middle of the following afternoon, hopped up on coffee.
My wife and kids spent their day with my parents and other family friends, and tomorrow will set off to go to her parents' place. I will be left home alone apparently, again. Peace and quiet, save the occasional psychotic episodes by The Colonel, and the inevitable ringing of the phone. Time for some book reading, maybe some writing (with actual pen and paper since the computer is trashed), time to think and all that stuff.
I have a lot of stuff on my mind, so I suppose the time left alone would be good to get that all out of my system, even if that is all that can be done about most any of it. I'd like to go up to my in-laws, but somehow I don't see that happening, since I work at 8pm on Sunday night and would limit the wife's time in visiting with her family. So, I'll just hold out for any possible leftovers being sent back for me. I like food, especially good food, which seems to be a specialty from my wife's family tree.
Let's see, what else? Oh, Buggy wrote his own book, added front and back covers (all torn out lined notebook paper), stapled it together...both sides. Josh is as active as ever, and while he'll come in when he gets cold (has more sense than I did as a kid), he still goes out when its too cold for me (apparently cold weather sucks more when you get older as compared to childhood). Wife has her new car, and is getting acquainted with her new job day by day. Um, computer is still dead as I mentioned before, however, I'm being sent a laptop on loan by my mother to hold us over until a new desktop is acquired, so I wont always have to use up the gas in my car or expose myself to the weather just to come to the library to get online. So that's always good. And of course, now with the wife having her car, I'm free to go anywhere I want for job searches, not just within foot or bicycle distance. Maybe I can get more money, and possibly better hours eventually for fulltime work. Then I can hang out with my family a little more often...well, that is if they don't go into shock from seeing me and send me away so as not to disturb their peaceful surroundings!
My wife and kids spent their day with my parents and other family friends, and tomorrow will set off to go to her parents' place. I will be left home alone apparently, again. Peace and quiet, save the occasional psychotic episodes by The Colonel, and the inevitable ringing of the phone. Time for some book reading, maybe some writing (with actual pen and paper since the computer is trashed), time to think and all that stuff.
I have a lot of stuff on my mind, so I suppose the time left alone would be good to get that all out of my system, even if that is all that can be done about most any of it. I'd like to go up to my in-laws, but somehow I don't see that happening, since I work at 8pm on Sunday night and would limit the wife's time in visiting with her family. So, I'll just hold out for any possible leftovers being sent back for me. I like food, especially good food, which seems to be a specialty from my wife's family tree.
Let's see, what else? Oh, Buggy wrote his own book, added front and back covers (all torn out lined notebook paper), stapled it together...both sides. Josh is as active as ever, and while he'll come in when he gets cold (has more sense than I did as a kid), he still goes out when its too cold for me (apparently cold weather sucks more when you get older as compared to childhood). Wife has her new car, and is getting acquainted with her new job day by day. Um, computer is still dead as I mentioned before, however, I'm being sent a laptop on loan by my mother to hold us over until a new desktop is acquired, so I wont always have to use up the gas in my car or expose myself to the weather just to come to the library to get online. So that's always good. And of course, now with the wife having her car, I'm free to go anywhere I want for job searches, not just within foot or bicycle distance. Maybe I can get more money, and possibly better hours eventually for fulltime work. Then I can hang out with my family a little more often...well, that is if they don't go into shock from seeing me and send me away so as not to disturb their peaceful surroundings!
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
The Ups and Downs Of Mookism
The problem with being the great and powerful Mook is that it has some ups, but is definitely set up for big downers. The great thing about Mookism is that when things go well, my ego is fed, heartily. When my critics react to me and any shortcomings, I chalk it up to how much I and my opinions matter, and therefore my ego is fed- again heartily. Now, if I could only convince others that I am a world superpower all by myself (and the aid of the Colonel- Rentacop of the Year, 2009)
This last Saturday, we were preparing to have a get together with another couple for a nice dinner at our place. My wife was busy in the kitchen trying her hand at a nice creole-themed feast. I on the other hand was busy cleaning up in the living room while doing laundry. I took one look at the desk area where this very computer I am typing on sits. The Colonel is back behind the tower, along with a lot of wires, dust, random papers that needed to be sorted through, and bits and pieces of god only knows it needs to be vacuumed up.
I shut down the computer. Then I unplugged the tower from everything and moved it and all the wires out of the way so that I could do a little dusting and then vacuum the carpet. Seems simple enough and goes by quickly. Then I take all the wires, plug them back in where they go and replace the tower to its normal position. I commence to turn on the computer. It starts up, makes some funny beeping noises like a warning and then shuts itself down. I try again with the same result. I bother my wife, the closest person to a tech guru of the household, and she tries the same thing, jiggles a few wires after an inspection, and we try again. Same results.
It turns out that I am the only person in the western hemisphere who can kill a computer without actually doing anything wrong. I am beginning to think someone has set the Mook up for a dismal failure. Either to stick it to my fragile ego, or to cause me to stimulate the economy by hiring a tech support guy to standby just in case I want to use the computer. This way, he can fix it after each keystroke or movement of the mouse I make.
So, great, we have no access to the computer over the weekend. This is both good and bad. It is good in that I can spend more time reading an actual book a little more often. Also both my wife and I are not wasting time messing around on Facebook or whatever site we choose to visit. (Editor's note: visiting this site and my blog family however are important sites not seen as time wasters. Thank you readers for visiting. Please check out the gift shop before you leave). So we spent some time playing card games, and also a board game with the kids. This is good time spent when everyone is home alone. HOWEVER, not having access to the computer is bad in that it takes away my excuses to avoid actual productive work during the daytime when I'm left home alone during the week.
Now, being the all powerful Mook that I am, this problem was going to require some real genius work on my behalf. So, Monday morning comes rolling around. I get home from work and the wife leaves. I had two plans of action, as a man always does. The first plan was to jiggle wire connections, stare at the box contemplatively, and push buttons. Plan B was to take a screwdriver to the tower, open it up and stare at the innards as though I have some sort of clue as to what I'm looking at inside.
I jiggled, I flipped a switch, I pushed a button. Nothing. I flipped the switch back, pushed the power button again, and VOILA! Computer is on. Had to check with tech support (aka my wife) as to why the keyboard wasn't working. Got that going, found everything was okay with our files. I informed her then of what Plan B was. I think the schism that occurred in her brain almost caused her to wreck. I was assured that had I opened the box, I would be in for a lobotomy via my rear end and her foot. Not her words, but that was the message I heard. Good thing Plan A worked, because I would've been clueless anyways, and and just more than slightly physically re-arranged afterwards.
So, it turns out I don't need a personal standby tech support guy to help me out. I just have to commence jiggling wires, pushing buttons and staring at the electronic stuff until it does what I want it to do. Like the men who stare at goats and kill them, I obviously have the mental powers to stare at electronics and fix them. It's when I touch them that they die. The Force must be really strong in me. Not sure how strong. Probably equivalent to the amount of strength in a small pony at least (thank you Eddie Izzard for this line).
So, if you have anything that needs to be stared (or is it scared when having to look at my face?) into working right, bring it on over. I'll act as though I know what I'm doing. Kind of like a guy who is trying to be manly in front of some poor helpless woman stranded by a P.O.S. car, thinking he'll get a date out of the deal or something. But don't bring a car by. I have not honed the Force well enough to fix objects that big. I've been doing that for years without any luck. so far, Mookism has a better shot at killing a car than fixing one. So technically I'm still more powerful than they are, but just in one way.
Oh, and in case you were wondering. My wife did a fantastic job on the dinner that night. I don't know about the guests, but I could certainly get full on that stuff every night and add some more weight onto my little frame. It's probably best that I don't though. I might get used to it, then having to give it up after ballooning to 400lbs or more, I might go through withdrawals and THAT would be bad. I would kill more than computers to say the least. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go pour myself a 4th cup of coffee.
This last Saturday, we were preparing to have a get together with another couple for a nice dinner at our place. My wife was busy in the kitchen trying her hand at a nice creole-themed feast. I on the other hand was busy cleaning up in the living room while doing laundry. I took one look at the desk area where this very computer I am typing on sits. The Colonel is back behind the tower, along with a lot of wires, dust, random papers that needed to be sorted through, and bits and pieces of god only knows it needs to be vacuumed up.
I shut down the computer. Then I unplugged the tower from everything and moved it and all the wires out of the way so that I could do a little dusting and then vacuum the carpet. Seems simple enough and goes by quickly. Then I take all the wires, plug them back in where they go and replace the tower to its normal position. I commence to turn on the computer. It starts up, makes some funny beeping noises like a warning and then shuts itself down. I try again with the same result. I bother my wife, the closest person to a tech guru of the household, and she tries the same thing, jiggles a few wires after an inspection, and we try again. Same results.
It turns out that I am the only person in the western hemisphere who can kill a computer without actually doing anything wrong. I am beginning to think someone has set the Mook up for a dismal failure. Either to stick it to my fragile ego, or to cause me to stimulate the economy by hiring a tech support guy to standby just in case I want to use the computer. This way, he can fix it after each keystroke or movement of the mouse I make.
So, great, we have no access to the computer over the weekend. This is both good and bad. It is good in that I can spend more time reading an actual book a little more often. Also both my wife and I are not wasting time messing around on Facebook or whatever site we choose to visit. (Editor's note: visiting this site and my blog family however are important sites not seen as time wasters. Thank you readers for visiting. Please check out the gift shop before you leave). So we spent some time playing card games, and also a board game with the kids. This is good time spent when everyone is home alone. HOWEVER, not having access to the computer is bad in that it takes away my excuses to avoid actual productive work during the daytime when I'm left home alone during the week.
Now, being the all powerful Mook that I am, this problem was going to require some real genius work on my behalf. So, Monday morning comes rolling around. I get home from work and the wife leaves. I had two plans of action, as a man always does. The first plan was to jiggle wire connections, stare at the box contemplatively, and push buttons. Plan B was to take a screwdriver to the tower, open it up and stare at the innards as though I have some sort of clue as to what I'm looking at inside.
I jiggled, I flipped a switch, I pushed a button. Nothing. I flipped the switch back, pushed the power button again, and VOILA! Computer is on. Had to check with tech support (aka my wife) as to why the keyboard wasn't working. Got that going, found everything was okay with our files. I informed her then of what Plan B was. I think the schism that occurred in her brain almost caused her to wreck. I was assured that had I opened the box, I would be in for a lobotomy via my rear end and her foot. Not her words, but that was the message I heard. Good thing Plan A worked, because I would've been clueless anyways, and and just more than slightly physically re-arranged afterwards.
So, it turns out I don't need a personal standby tech support guy to help me out. I just have to commence jiggling wires, pushing buttons and staring at the electronic stuff until it does what I want it to do. Like the men who stare at goats and kill them, I obviously have the mental powers to stare at electronics and fix them. It's when I touch them that they die. The Force must be really strong in me. Not sure how strong. Probably equivalent to the amount of strength in a small pony at least (thank you Eddie Izzard for this line).
So, if you have anything that needs to be stared (or is it scared when having to look at my face?) into working right, bring it on over. I'll act as though I know what I'm doing. Kind of like a guy who is trying to be manly in front of some poor helpless woman stranded by a P.O.S. car, thinking he'll get a date out of the deal or something. But don't bring a car by. I have not honed the Force well enough to fix objects that big. I've been doing that for years without any luck. so far, Mookism has a better shot at killing a car than fixing one. So technically I'm still more powerful than they are, but just in one way.
Oh, and in case you were wondering. My wife did a fantastic job on the dinner that night. I don't know about the guests, but I could certainly get full on that stuff every night and add some more weight onto my little frame. It's probably best that I don't though. I might get used to it, then having to give it up after ballooning to 400lbs or more, I might go through withdrawals and THAT would be bad. I would kill more than computers to say the least. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go pour myself a 4th cup of coffee.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
MIA: Mookie’s Tidbits to catch you up
Okay, so most of you know that We here in the Mookiefied Compound have undergone and survived one of the most hideous scenarios life can throw at us. Victims of a limited Nuclear Strike? NO. Attacked by a gaggle of venomous ducks in our sleep? Getting warmer, but no. H1N1 Flu takeover within the walls of the compound? I think it was trying, but No.
No, it was even more devastating than that:
That’s right…computer meltdown. After a few years of hearing advertisements about avoiding data loss in the event the computer shows us the “blue screen of death” by using their hard drive backup systems, we finally saw it….and without hard drive backup. Material for 2 different books, contact information for everyone we know, 6,700+ photos taken over many years…all gone. The ability to procrastinate real priorities by submersing ourselves into the internet news sites and blogs for information and entertainment, or playing dumb games like MafiaWars on the FaceBook… God please don’t take these options away from us!
Luckily, I, General Mook, being the great and resourceful leader that I am, had already procured the means to overcome this issue. Yes, I married a woman, who has an aunt and uncle who are computer geniuses. (What a strategic alliance I made!!!) The motherboard was in fact fried, more so than the Colonel’s Secret Recipe. And by Colonel, I mean Sanders…not my cat. However…all that information and all those memories taking shape in photos…RECOVERED!!!
So, today, I bring you fine readers a collection of headlines of events that have gone down over this time period of absence. If you find a topic you’d like to see more detail on, out of this list, merely make the request in the comment section.
1. Colonel Beauregard Sterling Lovell’s request for an XO denied.
While skimming thru the paper, I saw the Animal Rescue League page…there was a cat, already named Major pictured there. The General’s wife vetoed this option faster than the General could pass on the request.
2. Buggy’s Book of Digestive Biology Expands
Following his previously published comments of food melting into poop, Dr. Buggy now explains how chili and my digestive system work all the way to the end where the black beans committed suicide.
3. Mook And John Wayne Shoot a Movie Together, Scuffle Ensues
So, once in awhile I have some weird dreams. But hey, I got to be in
A movie with my favorite movie hero, and we end up in a fight even though it was some other idiot that pissed the Duke off.
4. Idiot Flips his lid, makes more work for me.
Some moron phoned Wells Fargo, made big threats and I get called in on my day off. I have mixed feelings about this.
5. 49ers Sports Update
I miss the 49ers get their first shutout of the season against an admittedly horrible St Louis Rams team; the following week, the 49ers apparently missed their own game (at home!), forcing Coach Singletary to hire stunt doubles at the last moment to take on the Atlanta Falcons.
6. Boy comes home sick, H1N1 tries to kill him; father instead chooses
to kill boy with board games.
So the oldest son comes home not feeling well, running a fever, and gives himself a 3 day holiday in advance of the impending 3 day weekend. 6 days off, in a row?? For a fever? Oh well. Was it H1N1? Probably not, but even if it was, all anyone needs is for my immune system to be in the same general area, and any sickness will meet its own grim destiny. So, the boy… he wants me to play games with him while we’re stuck at home. First its checkers…victory: DAD. Chess is semi-taught to the boy upon request: victory: DAD. Then the boy wants to learn the game of Stratego. I try to teach him, but he really should warm up for this game with lesser players until he gets the hang of things. I have never been defeated in this game…and I mean NEVER…needless to say, this streak is still going strong. I have my first serious challenge coming up over Christmas. I have a date with demoralizing a certain rocket scientist I call my brother-in-law.
7. Backyard Football Hero Still Golden, Even as Golden Years Threaten To Approach
I wasn’t the oldest guy out there. The guy downstairs who is almost old enough to be my dad was out playing with us, despite having thrown his shoulder out prior to any games. We played two-hand touch. Partially for him, and partially for a couple little kids who aren’t as excited about the violent prone sport of football. In what can only be described as a magnificent-but-beautiful failure, I showed why coming out of retirement for Neighborhood Football was a great idea. I ran myself into a corner where a big old bush cut me off. I was tagged out in mid leap, but I cleared that bush entirely and landed on a much lower altitude of ground on the other side and rolled over a sidewalk. I’ll feel that for days, but it showed I still have great athletic prowess. Later in the week, we played tackle football, which included kids who were presumably in shape and of the mid-teen age range. While that kid scored a few times, I once again, in Favre-like fashion, drove my team down for score after score after score.
8. Wife gets promoted
Yeah so she gets promoted..yeah I know...AGAIN! what a showoff! And in the process of getting set up she has to have her own phone put in....they activate a phone for her...only not the one in her little cube office....just some phone on the floor, which leads to a nice little treasure hunt. She finds phone, sets up voicemail, and in the process of it all spills coffee, and leaves a greeting for callers that calls them out with an expletive...
So yeah, that's the basics of what happened. Again, if you want more detail, please vote for what you want to see posted in its entirety, in the comment section.
No, it was even more devastating than that:
That’s right…computer meltdown. After a few years of hearing advertisements about avoiding data loss in the event the computer shows us the “blue screen of death” by using their hard drive backup systems, we finally saw it….and without hard drive backup. Material for 2 different books, contact information for everyone we know, 6,700+ photos taken over many years…all gone. The ability to procrastinate real priorities by submersing ourselves into the internet news sites and blogs for information and entertainment, or playing dumb games like MafiaWars on the FaceBook… God please don’t take these options away from us!
Luckily, I, General Mook, being the great and resourceful leader that I am, had already procured the means to overcome this issue. Yes, I married a woman, who has an aunt and uncle who are computer geniuses. (What a strategic alliance I made!!!) The motherboard was in fact fried, more so than the Colonel’s Secret Recipe. And by Colonel, I mean Sanders…not my cat. However…all that information and all those memories taking shape in photos…RECOVERED!!!
So, today, I bring you fine readers a collection of headlines of events that have gone down over this time period of absence. If you find a topic you’d like to see more detail on, out of this list, merely make the request in the comment section.
1. Colonel Beauregard Sterling Lovell’s request for an XO denied.
While skimming thru the paper, I saw the Animal Rescue League page…there was a cat, already named Major pictured there. The General’s wife vetoed this option faster than the General could pass on the request.
2. Buggy’s Book of Digestive Biology Expands
Following his previously published comments of food melting into poop, Dr. Buggy now explains how chili and my digestive system work all the way to the end where the black beans committed suicide.
3. Mook And John Wayne Shoot a Movie Together, Scuffle Ensues
So, once in awhile I have some weird dreams. But hey, I got to be in
A movie with my favorite movie hero, and we end up in a fight even though it was some other idiot that pissed the Duke off.
4. Idiot Flips his lid, makes more work for me.
Some moron phoned Wells Fargo, made big threats and I get called in on my day off. I have mixed feelings about this.
5. 49ers Sports Update
I miss the 49ers get their first shutout of the season against an admittedly horrible St Louis Rams team; the following week, the 49ers apparently missed their own game (at home!), forcing Coach Singletary to hire stunt doubles at the last moment to take on the Atlanta Falcons.
6. Boy comes home sick, H1N1 tries to kill him; father instead chooses
to kill boy with board games.
So the oldest son comes home not feeling well, running a fever, and gives himself a 3 day holiday in advance of the impending 3 day weekend. 6 days off, in a row?? For a fever? Oh well. Was it H1N1? Probably not, but even if it was, all anyone needs is for my immune system to be in the same general area, and any sickness will meet its own grim destiny. So, the boy… he wants me to play games with him while we’re stuck at home. First its checkers…victory: DAD. Chess is semi-taught to the boy upon request: victory: DAD. Then the boy wants to learn the game of Stratego. I try to teach him, but he really should warm up for this game with lesser players until he gets the hang of things. I have never been defeated in this game…and I mean NEVER…needless to say, this streak is still going strong. I have my first serious challenge coming up over Christmas. I have a date with demoralizing a certain rocket scientist I call my brother-in-law.
7. Backyard Football Hero Still Golden, Even as Golden Years Threaten To Approach
I wasn’t the oldest guy out there. The guy downstairs who is almost old enough to be my dad was out playing with us, despite having thrown his shoulder out prior to any games. We played two-hand touch. Partially for him, and partially for a couple little kids who aren’t as excited about the violent prone sport of football. In what can only be described as a magnificent-but-beautiful failure, I showed why coming out of retirement for Neighborhood Football was a great idea. I ran myself into a corner where a big old bush cut me off. I was tagged out in mid leap, but I cleared that bush entirely and landed on a much lower altitude of ground on the other side and rolled over a sidewalk. I’ll feel that for days, but it showed I still have great athletic prowess. Later in the week, we played tackle football, which included kids who were presumably in shape and of the mid-teen age range. While that kid scored a few times, I once again, in Favre-like fashion, drove my team down for score after score after score.
8. Wife gets promoted
Yeah so she gets promoted..yeah I know...AGAIN! what a showoff! And in the process of getting set up she has to have her own phone put in....they activate a phone for her...only not the one in her little cube office....just some phone on the floor, which leads to a nice little treasure hunt. She finds phone, sets up voicemail, and in the process of it all spills coffee, and leaves a greeting for callers that calls them out with an expletive...
So yeah, that's the basics of what happened. Again, if you want more detail, please vote for what you want to see posted in its entirety, in the comment section.
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