Monday, December 5, 2011

General Mook, Overlord Award Winner

So today I see that my influence in this world has not gone unnoticed. Selena from herMotherhood Sucks blog, and it is a very infamous set of articles followed all over the place by smart people, as well as us leaders who strain to grasp the insanity of those we lead, has now officially awarded me the much coveted Overlord Award.

This award allows me to change ANY 3 things I want to, IN THE ENTIRE WORLD. It appears my need to rule the Universe is still being debated, and I'm sure we'll end up having to divvy up the sectors sooner or later once real life catches up with all that Star Trekky and Star Wars business. After much careful consideration, I have settled upon the following things (note to readers, I tried hard to narrow down my vast needs to three things):

1. Football season will be year round, and Nascar will be dropped to a total of 10 weeks a year. Sorry to all my redneck racecar loving friends, but you can race anyday you want out on the streets and bet your own damn money to the winners. Football is still clearly, in my not so humble opinion (the only opinion of which matters to me anyways), the king of all sports.

2. Above the waist nudity will be allowed worldwide. However the permit to do so must be cleared directly through me. In some cases, I will require it for some women. Like Cindy Crawford (my all time love), and certain other women who I deem it to be so. For others it will be deemed that they never participate in this for the entirety of their lives... There will be harsh sanctions for violators! (Hey, I'm a 32 year old guy hiding an adolescent soul...did you expect me to gloss over this aspect of life)

3. Bitching and whining to me verbally, as well as outright temper tantrums that are used to stifle the bitching and whining, will be ceasing about 3 seconds before they start. Failure to do so will result in your entire wealth being transferred to me, as well as copious sessions of my cat, the esteemed Colonel Beauregard Sterling Lovell. He's gotten plenty of baths, and he's looking to dish out some retribution

I have other rules as well, but apparently this award only entitles me to 3 official changes. The rest will be carried out, Geneva Convention be damned! I could've gone with more worldly ideas to solve today's political issues, but gthat would seem so selfless....and by God, I havent been selfish enough in my benevolent leadership up to this point.

Also apparently I have to nominate other people (bloggers) for this auspicious award. Those that I would nominate generally dont condone being put on the spot like this. Personally I think Selena just got tired of me not writing and thrust this award upon me, all the way from upstate New York just to make me show SOME direction with my life and give her new reading material... I believe she finds her Overlord status a little higher than mine... women! sheesh!