Thursday, January 16, 2014

Missing A Great Man

 

Just a little after midnight last night, Monte Burns passed away.  I'm not sure I've fully gripped the realization of it all just yet.  I was there, along with his 3 sons, Josh, Jed and Jerimiah, all of whom I consider my brothers, during his last moments of life.

This picture is how I, and I think most anyone who ever knew him, will always remember him.  He was a second father to me as I spent almost as much time around him as I did my own dad.  I haven't written anything on here in almost a year, and while I feel compelled to write this now, it is very hard to find the words.  It's hard to write these things in my heart and head, much less say them aloud.

Monte Burns was a fun loving guy.  He valued his family over everything else in life.  He was a great man, a great father to more than just his own sons, a loving grandfather.  He was a mentor to many, and our coach not just in sports but in life.  When you felt you failed at some endeavor, he was always there to lift your spirits, to let you know the bigger picture was more important than that one thing that brought you down.  Monte was also there to put you in your place when you got stupid or a bit too big for your britches, as they say.  I know that he was there to correct me with a stern word or twelve, or a cuff on the butt or back of the head when I got out of line, the same as he was with his sons.  Usually we got our comeuppance as a group since us boys were usually together when we made trouble.  Despite any protest we may have given to the contrary, he always let us know that we were still loved. But if he "ever caught us doing this or that again..."

Monte served in the Navy in his younger years, but mostly he served God and his family throughout his whole life.  God shown through him that anyone could be family to him if they so wished. 

I think that even as we got older and started our own families, we may have taken for granted that good old Monte would always be there, as he always has been.  I for one hadn't seen him in quite some time, even as I had thoughts that I should go visit with him when in town, but always passing it off for "the next time."  To see him laying there in the hospital, hooked up to a medicine pump and in labored breathing was a bit of a shock after not seeing him for quite awhile. I hate crying.  I hate crying in front of people even worse, but I cried in front of my brothers nonetheless.  Hell, I'm crying right now just trying to get through this writing.  And I know Monte is looking down right now telling me there is no need to cry anymore.  He's in a better place and not suffering anymore.

I had visited him in previous years after other health issues had arisen.  I always joked with him that he needed to find better and different reasons to get all his sons together.  He'd of course immediately steer the conversation off any hint of his own mortality towards what was going on in my life and that of my sons, parents and sister.  He always had a way of making things about you and not him.  You were always made to feel that you were the important one.

There are a lot of things that could be said about Monte, and I'm sure a lot of stories about him as well.  Finding the coherency to lay them all out there to be understood is a lot harder to do.

All we can say about Monte is: Thank you for the wonderful memories.  We will all miss you. We Love You!

Monday, February 4, 2013

Superbowl Hangover

Not a real hangover from the beers I imbibed this evening of the Big Game, as I had to be at work at 630am the next morning.  But a hangover from the constant adrenaline dumps my body experienced, culminating in what was almost the greatest comeback in Super Bowl history.

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I'm not even sure when this was taken during last nights thriller of a Super Bowl.  Clearly though, my buddy's wife was sneaky with her iPhone in capturing the insanity that football brings out in me.  Any game my beloved San Francisco 49ers can cause such insanity, but the Super Bowl magnifies those crazy outbursts.  She apparently didn't capture me as I got all hyped up and then threw myself to the floor on a dropped pass during the 4th quarter. I was born and bred to love football, especially when its my team, in all its facets.  I sacrificed my body against bigger and better players just to be a part of the game.  I also put as much emotion into a game on TV as I would a game in which I played.  It's just who I am.

Prior to last night, the 49ers had won 5 Super Bowls out of 5 appearances.  I wore my sweatshirt with Snoopy adorned with 49ers gear.  I would've sat in the same seat I was in back when they last won the SB in 1994, but that couch is long gone, and the house doesn't even exist anymore.  While I was hyped up, I believe I fell short in motivating the team through more effective yelling at the team through the TV.  So I have some survivor's guilt associated with such a devastating loss.

We could look at the silver linings found in last night's game.  Last year we made it to the NFC Championship Game before losing.  This year we made it all the way to the Super Bowl.  We have identified a good QB for the franchise in Colin Kaepernick (who happens to be a hometown hero having played high school football in Turlock, CA).  We have a very passionate, very competitive and emotionally involved coach in Jim Harbaugh.



 

We could also look at a few bad calls and no calls by the officiating crew, questionable ball spots, etc.  We could play the "what-if?" game.  What if Michael LaJames hadn't fumbled? What if we hadn't looked like amateurs when letting Jacoby Jones run back the 2nd half's opening kickoff from the back of his own end zone all the way for a score to put the 49ers at a 22 point deficit?  What if we had chosen to run the ball on the last series for a game-winning touchdown instead of just lobbing incomplete passes 3 plays in a row?  In the end, such things will only eat at our psyche and keep us from focusing on the future.

Ultimately, I see the blemish on our Super Bowl perfection.  (Prior to last night, the 49ers were the only team to make multiple appearances without a loss).  This was my strongest argument against those insane Steeler and Packer fans who boast all their championships.

As a self credentialed doctor, I have now diagnosed myself with Post Super Bowl Loss Depression Syndrome.  The only good news about such a mental illness is that its effects will be short lived... they should clear up around August or whenever the next season starts.

I tried to help out by having a fellow rentacop cut power to the Superdome, which enabled the 49ers to regroup and begin an amazing comeback.  But again I failed to motivate the team, my sole job, to finish the job and win the game.  Unfortunately, the Baltimore Ravens played well enough to stop us when it counted.

From an objective standpoint, this was by far one of the best and most thrilling Super Bowls I have ever watched.  However, from my biased point of view, this loss cut deep and hurt really bad.  Having grown up in the glory days of the San Francisco 49ers, and then spending 18 years without a trip to the Big Game, I was hyped up to the max, to the point of going nearly insane.  The first half looked horrible, but the 2nd half proved to make this a great game.  I was up and down emotionally the entire time. (as noted in short video clip at the top).  I ate a lot a food, had a few beers...and if I were a crier, I would've shed many tears.  I really should've figured out how to get onto the sidelines and helped better coach the team to victory.  And of course I need more 49er apparel to wear.  Its amazing how clothing choices go way down when you get old enough that you have to buy your own clothes!

So if anyone knows how to put me on the 49ers sidelines and get me some gear... please hook me up!  After all, it's always been clear to me that the team depends on me!

Friday, December 14, 2012

The Official un-Official Presidential Announcement

While as of late there seem to be more engaging topics of conversation to discuss, today I officially announce my unofficial announcement that I am seeking to become the President of the United States for the next election in 2016, the first election for which I am eligible to participate. 

Some people have inquired as to my positions which I would take as a candidate.  So to clear the air for those who don't know me, and for those who only think they know how I think, I shall lay out a few major positions to get the ball rolling.  These positions are not laid out in any particular order of importance.

1. Marijuana Legalization:

*I am for the complete legalization of marijuana, both medicinal and recreational usage. 

*This will apply only to natural unadulterated marijuana- spiking it with random chemicals will remain illegal.  I think you can solve your pain, depression/anxiety, or just plain get high enough on the weed alone.  The chemical spiking rule will also be applied to any rolling papers.  None of this "fire safe" or "slow/even burning" chemical additives added to rolling papers.  Half the problem with cigarettes these days is the added chemicals that harm the people far worse than a plain natural tobacco cigarette of way back when.

*DUI will include marijuana use.  I'm not sure how to determine a driver being "legally under the influence" like with alcohol.  I may just decide to leave that up to the police to determine that your driving like a total moron is the result of you being high off your ass.  Get a friggin sober driver if you must leave the house

*All persons incarcerated for mere possession of marijuana will be immediately released, their record cleared of those offenses with immediate expungement of said files.

*Marijuana will be appropriately packaged and sold in licensed retail outlets, with all applicable taxes included.

*For the record: NO, I do not engage in marijuana use.  I experimented when I was young, and it's really not for me.

Immediate impact of this law would lower crime rates, decreased costs on law enforcement and incarceration, increase in tax monies received by the government, and job creation for those who are so smart about farming their product, but seem disinterested in growing corn or beans like regular farmers.  This will lead to an immediate improvement in budgets at all levels of government.


2. Presidential and Congressional Responsibility Act:

*First and foremost Presidential Salary will be reduced from $400,000 to $300,000.  The extra per annums and expense accounts go away.  The taxpayer should not be on the hook for a bunch of extras.  If you can't live on $300,000 a year, then maybe you need to look at your own checkbook and curtail your spending habits.  You already jet set around the world on the taxpayer dime to attend official functions as POTUS

*Congressional Pay will be set at $150,000.  Seniority and being appointed to leadership positions will not receive additional pay for those positions.  Serve because you want to serve and enjoy the power you have.  You got elected based on your ideas and promises, along with a lot of other peoples money. Again, you should be able to live on such a salary- the majority of your constituents have to work a lot harder and longer for a lot less money and still have the same basic expenditures as you.

*Pay raises to any federally-elected office will be subject to a vote of the American people, once every four years coinciding with Presidential elections.  An approval of 67% of the popular vote is required, PER CANDIDATE.  In other words, you can be re-elected to your office, but the vote on your salary can be rejected by the people.

*Laws enacted by Congress will be applied to members of Congress in the exact manner in which they effect the American citizens, any benefits Congress confers to its members will also be extended to the American people.

*Balanced Budget Amendment- A budget will be allocated each and every year.  Failure to pass a budget will result in the prior year's budget continuing minus 10%, with that 10% going toward further reduction in the national debt.  Should there be no current national debt to speak of, then those funds will be allocated to a "rainy day fund" which cannot be moved into the general fund.


3. Foreign Aid:

*All Government-sponsored monetary aid to a foreign state who holds U.S. debt will be offered the same aid, only under the condition that such aid is applied to the debt owed.  Failure of the foreign states' writing down our debt to them, will result in forgoing any aid from the U.S. government.  Privately raised money to aid other countries in need will not be affected by this rule.

4. Ethanol Mandate and Oil Subsidies

*All mandates toward ethanol/biofuels will be eliminated.  The U.S. Government is not to be in the business of propping up companies, never mind entire industries.  We speak of wanting cleaner fuel sources, yet we mandate products that produce less energy than is taken to create them, and use "dirty" fuel sources in order to produce the cleaner sources.  We are wasting energy and creating a lot of pollution in multiple forms to produce the supposed cleaner fuel.  Ethanol production and use will be legal for fuel purposes, but shall not be mandated on a federal level. 

*Should we find a safe and viable fuel source that can overcome such issues, then such an issue can be looked at in the future.

*Oil Subsidies shall also be eliminated.  There is no point in giving money to an already very profitable industry.

*Any subsidies for these fuel industries being sought shall be in the form of non-forgivable loans.  You can borrow what you need according to your abilities as a company.  Any subsequent loans will only be considered after the original loans have been paid off.  You will operate under the same set of rules as any other business.


These are just a few ideas I have.  If you have other areas of concerns, campaign ideas, etc., please add to the comments below so that I might address the issues that are important to you and everyone else, not just my own Pollyanna ideas of how the world should work.  I greatly welcome and appreciate any input you have.








Friday, October 26, 2012

Return of the Prodigal Kitty

Now I know that most of you would expect me to be announcing the triumphant return of Colonel Beauregard Sterling Lovell (pictured below).  Sadly that is not the case.

I have grown up with cats most of my life, starting with the infamous but evil Bobb Bookie, and ending my childhood with the B.C. the Lionface.  Bobb Bookie shredded my sucking thumb at an early age and in my Composition class at Iowa State University he was 90% of the reason I received an A in that class.  B.C. the Lionface managed to last from when I was 8 or 9 until a few years after I moved out.  He's currently buried in my parents backyard underneath a Lion statue. 

There were many cats in between those two.  Most ran off, probably to go back to whoever owned them before we acquired them off the streets. One cat, Spike, my Siamese, died of Feline Leukemia, probably God's punishment for my sinful ways if you were to ask the opinion of Pat Robertson.  His half brother was sent away for continuing to spray about the house.  Another was hit by a car- that was my sister's cat whom she never bothered to name before I had to watch it attempt to wreck a car with its head.


After my first son Josh was born, I was given a kitten by a neighbor.  It was all black, except for a small white patch on its chest.  I dubbed him Damien, and that devil cat lived up to his demonic name. I'm convinced he was the reincarnation of the original sinister black cat, Bobb Bookie.  He was one mean ass SOB, and when we moved to Des Moines he went out to an acreage with my ex-wife's aunt and uncle.  He met his maker at the hand of two dogs, both of whom would probably never forget the damage Damien did to them before they finished him off.

Later, after Corwyn was born, we eventually adopted a cat from the Animal Rescue League.  It was part of a group of cats they dubbed the X-men.  This one was named Rogue.  Now normally, I like to name my animals, but I was voted down by the kids and their mother and rogue retained her name.  In our old apartment we let the cat out onto the deck.  Rogue liked to go down onto the downstairs neighbors' grill and then to the ground to run around. (Unlike the Colonel who would only go up to the upstairs neighbors' deck and refuse to come down except when they brought him down through the inside of the building.)  Anyways, she did this often, chasing around squeenies and squirrels and rabbits.  One day she disappeared and we never saw her again.
And of course there is the Colonel, who has spent his time running about the neighborhood, getting nabbed by the next door kennel once before they got to know who he was and where he lived.  And then a few weeks back he disappeared again.  We haven't seen or heard from him since.

Fast forward to earlier this week.  My mom calls me at work.  They got a call at the veterinary hospital she works at from the West Des Moines Animal Shelter. they had found a cat, and scanned it for a microchip that traced the cat back.  Since I was at work, I had my girlfriend call to find out about getting our cat back.  We were saddened to learn that they did not have the Colonel.  I sort of suspected this because I didn't remember having Colonel chipped. The description they gave sounded oddly familiar to me.  After 6 years, Rogue had been rounded up.

Now, with our dog, Gracie, being a puppy, I don't care to introduce another animal into the house unless of course the Colonel finds his way back.  We do miss him.  I texted my ex-wife and let her know of the news of our old cat having shown back up after all these years.  She grabbed my cat carrier yesterday, and today she brought Rogue to her home.  While a bit thinner, Rogue has turned out to be still cuddly and affectionate upon being reunited with her and the boys.  So, while I did not get my cat back yet, our old cat gets to come back to a loving home.  Her she is sleeping on one of the boys' bed with them faking sleeping with her that their mother sent to me earlier this evening:










Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Politics: Helping Vitriolic Opinions Get Out

Well, we're finally winding down the last few weeks of this election cycle which started, depending on how you count, since the midterm elections of 2010, or the last Presidential election of 2008.  By this time, most people's patience is wearing pretty thin regarding anything political, and yet at the same time these supposed non-caring people are throwing their opinions out there left and right with increased fervor. And some of them are taking great offense at whatever someone from a different viewpoint has to say.




 The last attitude always keeps me pissed off on some deep rooted level that hums constantly below the surface somewhere.  Occasionally it comes to the surface in the face of such incivility when it come sup quite directly.  Case in point, my sister's Facebook page.  One status update she posted during last night's Town hall Debate between President Obama and the Republican nominee Mitt Romney, where she merely repeated a paraphrasing of something Mitt said:

Binders full of women?! And be sure to give them flex time so they can go cook dinner...



Now politically, my sister and I are on opposite sides.  She is a liberal democrat, I am a moderate conservative (but NOT republican).  I can imagine exactly how her voice sounds if she said this statement aloud.  I can even see the look of disgust on her face.  Personally I took little offense to Mitt's statements on this particular exchange, as his answer was more of an example of how he chose to do things to increase females in senior leadership positions in his cabinet when he governed Massachusetts, rather than actually answer the question asked, which was what he'd do to pare the gender pay gap that exists.  Evasive answering by politicians is common place and probably one of the biggest complaints about them.  I assume she took his answer in some different way than what he was actually saying and she voiced her opinion.  Shortly thereafter a "friend" of her and her husband made a comment that he was going to remove them as Facebook friends (My god NOOOO! the humanity of it all!!!) because her political venom is just too much for him to take and he hates having to sift through it all to find her other updates. Well, I sifted through her updates to see what the stink was about.  And I kept sifting, and sifting and sifting some more.  And then I went ahead and re-sifted just to be sure I could find something non-political and venomous within her updated statuses.  I was amazed at what I found.  Going back 2 months, the amount of politically oriented statements I found on her page was ridiculous.  Turns out that the post she made last night was the ONLY one political in nature in any way shape or form.  
Now I see why the guy was so irritated.  My sister, bless her soul, had actually communicated a politically related thought on her page, and it had been seen by a guy who is apparently anti-Obama to the point that one comment made against what Mitt had to say was just too much for him to take, and despite "liking them as people and reading about their family developments" had to resort to killing off their Facebook connection.  REALLY????

Now I'm not exactly a fan of Obama, but I'm also not in the tank for Mitt Romney either.  I can see not wanting to be Facebook friends with my sister too.  I mean, this is Becky we're talking about.  My lifelong arch-rival, who's been out to destroy me and my reputation since day 1!  I won't get into all the details, but lets just say there was more than one instance where she framed me for hurting her when I wasn't even around.  My lack of presence wasn't enough evidence to get out of butt whoopings either.  Sinister master of conspiracy that she is, it only got worse from there.  I'm only Facebook friends with her because it allows me to keep up with what my nieces are doing...and to maintain relations with my brother-in-law.  She's just the awful hippie residue I have to deal with in between.  That and my mom would probably find a way to ground me if I wasn't Facebook friends with her.  I can hear her now, "Michael (she never calls me Mookie), she's your sister.  Now you go and accept her friend request, because it's the right thing to do.  Now be a good boy, and maybe I'll make that sweet potato casserole you like so much when you come up next."  Yes, my mother cheats with her "hard bargaining".

 

Anyways, back to my point.  So someone might say Facebook isn't the best place to be airing one's political beliefs.  Maybe, maybe not.  The way I look at it is that it's my page, I'll say what I want.  If you don't like it, then don't read it.  Or chalk it up to me expressing myself, and move on to whatever it is about me that interests you.  God Forbid you have to look past one comment to find out what else might be going on in my life.  If anything, it's the serial posters that irritate me on Facebook.  You know, the ones who "like" every damn photo they see as they spend the next hour or so on Google images and sharing it to their page.  Of course, in that hour they often redeem themselves by finding one really funny picture that makes my hour that much better.  It usually involves bodily functions or sarcastic cats.  even if they don't find me squat to be interested in, and I spend 3 minutes continuously scrolling down the page to see what any of my other friends might say, I don't then threaten to "unfriend" them.  That's just immature and stupid if you ask me.

Now I know I find myself quite brilliant and could solve all the world's problems if you just let me make all the decisions.  Unfortunately, while the idea of a world full of more ME sounds great on the surface, the rest of the population seems to have the same self-adulation problem I have.  And I'm sure it will be later rather than sooner before they realize I'm the one who is actually right.  However, like everyone else, you are entitled to your wrong opinion.

Back to the politics.  The exchange bothered me, not because it was my sister the guy said this douche-y stuff too, but because he would say it at all.  Yes he has the same right to his opinion as anyone else.  But there is a thing called discretion, and another thing called social tact.  If he wanted to express his opinion on other people making politically charged statements, he should've done so on his page, and preferably in reaction to something someone said on HIS page.  Going to someone else's forum and then threatening to unfriend them over a mere difference of opinion on who our next political figurehead will be pretty much makes you a moron who's just looking to stir the pot of shit for your own sick twisted amusement.





I couldn't even care less if I agreed with your opinionations or political leanings, sometimes rude is just rude.  I have family with different political leanings and degrees of left and right, and many friends whose views I consider ultra fringe.  But I always adhere to the policy that they have their opinions and I'm more than happy to debate them, or listen to them, or politely agree to avoid the subject matter.  However, if its on THEIR Facebook page and I see it, well then that's on me to move on to whatever other posts they may or may not have and foster our relationship in the ways that work, and avoid whatever might be unpleasant.  

But maybe that's just me having all the right answers on how to do things... 

Monday, August 13, 2012

New Member To The Mookified Compound

Look at how cute I am!

This is Gracie.  Officially her name is Sergeant Gracie Mae Lovell.  But we just call her Gracie.  She's a Yellow Lab mixed with Husky. And as I write this post, she's trying to lay on my feet... that is until I wrote that sentence, now she got up and decided to have food.  I feel she is just preparing me to go for a walk..yep, there's the singular scratch at the door signalling that I must do as I'm told before finishing what I want to do.  Just like a woman.  Speaking of women... here is proof of their craziness:


"I got it! I got it! Now what?"


Now I grew up with dogs all my life.  Gracie is the first dog I've had since leaving my parents' digs.  In all my life, the only dog I ever saw chase her tail, much less actually get it, was Odie from the Garfield cartoons and comics... until the other day.  I just assumed it was comedy on the part of animators, but it turns out this is serious real-life business.

Anyways... Last Sunday I was taking my boys up to stay the week with my parents, and the plan was to get a dog, Tucker, who had been getting nursed back to health at their local Vet hospital my mom clerks at.  It's a long story of neglect and malnutrition prior to them trying to save the dog.  On the day we were to go up, I get a call from my mom saying the dog was found dead.  Well, I had been set on getting my first adult-life dog for about 3 weeks at this point.  After doing some hunting, I found an ad on craigslist for Gracie, and she lived here in the Des Moines area.  Her previous owner had a life situation and had to find her a good home or turn her over to the ARL that same night.  So after a quick supper with my parents and saying good bye to the boys, my girlfriend and I hustled back to Des Moines to pick up this 4 month-old pup.  She's been either full steam ahead or napping it out since.

She only slowed down one day, and that was Saturday when we went back up to my parents to have her spayed and get all her shots, and then on Sunday bring her and the boys back home.  She actually rode in the car very well:

See me...I'm blond just like my new brothers!

 Oh, I was supposed to be in that seat back there?

I prefer the window seat.  Josh doesn't mind me using his lap!


The only thing about bringing Gracie into our home to really consider was The Colonel.  On night one he established himself as the top dog of the house, and asserted the difference in rank, him being an officer and her being enlisted.  As he went up to sniff her out, she moved behind a chair.  It was all over from there.  He chased her round and round the basement, him getting that puffy cat look and her running scared out of her mind with her tail tucked between her legs.  Gracie is scared of cats, and the Colonel took full advantage of his intimidation factor.  Only wish I had a video camera for that!  The basement is now been deemed solely the Colonel's territory.  He has another blue chair down there that he uses, along with the blue recliner in my bedroom he took over long before we moved into this place.  Gracie will now attempt to play assuming the "downward dog" position and trying to lunge forward a couple inches, but the cat mostly ignores her.  Unless he's in a corner, then he gets on his hind legs, hisses, and occasionally throws a couple jabs, and Gracie comes running for protection.

When outside, she is always on a leash.  She is getting better, but she is a puppy and can get distracted easily, whether its a scent trail, a moving bug, kids, people, squirrels, random sticks, trash... you get the idea.  Whenever she spies a bird on the ground, she does the classic "pointer" pose.  But she does do a decent walk along from time to time.  On the homestretch, she likes to reach back grab the leash in her mouth and give it a tug to let me know its her turn to walk me, and if I'm willing, she really loves to run along.  I don't know if that's just her thing, or the Husky side coming out.  While at my parents, who have a fenced yard, she was allowed to roam free.  At first she wasn't entirely sure what to do, but it didn't take long to go exploring.


She knows how to sit, lay down, shake, and hi-five.  I'd say she knows the STAY command, but it seems I'm not allowed to leave whichever floor we're on to go to another without her wanting to follow along...  She has grown attached to both my girlfriend and I, but she really seems to have bonded with me.  And with the Olympics on these last couple weeks, she decided to invent her own sport for us to participate in together.  I fell asleep watching TV one afternoon, as she was napping after a long hot walk.  I woke up to her having chewed a sandal, and now was trying to lick me to death.  So I got up, decided I would use the bathroom quick and then take her out for the same.  So I go to take a leak and I left the door open.  Hey it was me and the pets, so why not?  Well, she followed me over, stared at me, and then decided that her spot on the carpet in front of the bathroom was perfect to trying out her half of the "synchronized peeing" routine.  Part of me wanted to laugh, the other part wanted to cry, because I had to clean up.  That and we would've been penalized heavily on our synchronization skills since I was standing and she was squatting... We have a long ways to go if we're going to get that act into the next games down in Rio!

But anyways... She's the newest addition.  The Colonel tolerates her.  The kids love her, and she loves them right back...Josh even took her for a walk around the block at my parents.  And she seems to be quite attached to me and my girlfriend.  So I'm quite happy in how things worked out.  She got a happy home without going through the shelter system, and I finally get to have my own dog again!

And here is Gracie doing what I always wanted to do- fart on my dad!  She does me proud!!!!

Now I just need an official flag for the Mookified Compound...




Monday, July 30, 2012

The Colonel Vindicated!!!

The previously noted charges against the esteemed Colonel Beauregard Sterling Lovell Have been dropped following new information that trickled into the hands of The Commission over the weekend.

When the Colonel was originally charged with Cowardice in combat, the original indications were that he had ran away from a battle against an enemy that looked a lot like this unworthy opponent.


We are sure the Colonel would've handed this one a swift defeat

Instead, after an eye-witness report from General Mook himself, we learned that the real face of the enemy, seen in a second incursion against the Colonel was much more like this:

Only through sheer stupidity disguised as bravery, would the General jump in front of THIS threat in order to save the Colonel

Instead of a charge of Cowardice, the Colonel is now being awarded medals for a textbook tactical retreat, this time without injury.  In order to clear his good name, the Colonel sought out the enemy and engaged the enemy long enough to lure it to the forward grounds of the Mookified Compound, allowing Mookified Forces to identify an aggressor and gather further intel.  The Colonel is also being awarded the Grand Medal of Edification, for his allowing the General to gather yet another award of valor in the face of outright danger.


Not only was this behemoth cat-like creature armed with front claws, he was less the size of any known cat in the universe, but approximately the size of a small pack elephant.  He had fangs as long as a mammoth's tusks.

An Artist's Rendition of the size-scale of the beast
By our best estimations, it will take a tank to stop this animal.  However, with the General's bravado and evil not-yet-had-a-full-cup-of-coffee morning stare, the ghastly beast retreated away from the Colonel and off the Mookified grounds.  We believe that this act alone will keep the mean bastard away.  Only time will tell, and full preparations are being made to deal with any threats in the future posed by the enemy.  Currently it is unsure if this is some one's pet, or a stray tomcat that feeds on small children to maintain its overly healthy dimensions.

Rest assured however, the Colonel has redeemed himself as a soldier, and as the reigning executive officer under General Mook.  In addition to Medals related to his valor being conferred, we are planning to put staff underneath him in a yet to be named non-commissioned officer of the canine variety.  We have one in mind, however we are leaving it to the Colonel to make the final decision on his staffing personnel.  Picture Announcements will be posted once the post is approved and filled.