Monday, January 31, 2011

Domestic Manifesto of a Mook (title by Eric Stone)

So I had a relatively productive weekend. It was my weekend to have the kids. My time with the boys actually started Wednesday after they got out of school. Their mother had to be out of town for something or another, and didn't need to pull the kids out of school, so they spent their nights over here at my place. My 18 year old niece, Kristi, was gracious enough to come spend Wednesday and Thursday night into Friday morning with me, so the kids had someone here while I worked my overnight job, as well as kick them out of bed and off to school in the mornings.

So even during the school day I had my niece around to keep me company. Even if half the time I was up, she was sleeping on the couch. Then Friday came. I hung out here for a bit, before taking Kristi back to her parents, doing some laundry while I was over there, and then I had the kids for my regularly scheduled weekend once they got out of school. We just hung out Friday night, and then my parents showed up Saturday. They took us all out for lunch, then we came back her and hung out for awhile. Mom and I went over the ideas for which pictures would be hung up where, and what might be needed to get things all purtied up for turning this apartment into more of a home-like environment, rather than a storage shed I just live in and keep my stuff. While we did that, the boys kept their grandpa entertained while playing video games.

Then Sunday morning rolled around. After getting a sufficient amount of coffee in me, I drove mom to the Walmart and the Goodwill to pick up supplies and everything. We went over how to lay everything out. The kitchen is mostly done now, I got new blinds put up on the bedroom windows, including a curtain for the boys' room, the bathroom sink cabinet hinge fixed so it doesn't fall on the floor when I open it, or try to open the drawers next to it. I've gotten started on the family picture wall, but I still have to go through loose photos to put in the big collage-matted frame. I'm putting off the John Wayne wall for now, as I have to move the entertainment center to get to that section, which is a TOTAL pain in the butt. But, it's coming along decently. Even added some botanical flavor to the place. I wonder how long it will take the cat to eat that all to hell?

So we went out to Taco Bell for lunch, then came back to the apartment and Mom and Dad headed for home. A little while later the boys' mother came to pick them up. It was 4:45pm. I had to work at 8:00pm last night. So I had 3 hours basically where it was just me and the cat...who was of course napping after the excitement of too many people in the house for an extended period of time for his liking. And I noticed something...a deafening silence. I had people in my house since Wednesday afternoon, and suddenly nobody. I had never heard silence so pronounced before until that moment. I got very lonely, very quickly. Although I didn't look forward to going to work for a 12 hour shift, I welcomed it to a degree, if for nothing else than to distract myself with the job from that lonely feeling.

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

The Fun Ends One Way Or Another

In examining relationships, it seems there are a few phases. Some more exciting than others. First you have the phase where you notice her, and then do something really cool, odd, dumb, completely stupid, or crazy to make sure she notices you.

Then if things work out the way you want, you have that whole getting to know each other/courtship phase. This always seems to be one of the more interesting portions of any relationship. You always look forward to hear from them or see them. Everything is exciting, and even the dumb stuff you look forward to.

After awhile once you've really gotten to know them, it either stays good, or sometimes things fizzle, even if just in your own mind. You get bored with them, or decide once you really know them, that quite frankly the other person sucks and you don't know what you saw in them in the first place. For some, the beginning part of the relationship is and was the best part you would ever have. The build up and excitement of 'what comes next' keeps you going. But then maybe after awhile, life allows you to blend the relationship into the mix, and everything is mundane. You still have your job, you still have your bills, and work and sleep.

Some couples make it past this point and life and their relationship merges beautifully. And in some cases, it survives all the way into marriage, and kids and careers and a new house and pets, and all that family-encompassing stuff. Some of those marriages even make it into old age, where the couple ends up sticking it out to that whole 'til death do us part' business. And that's always really great. Sure, they had their ups and downs throughout their entire relationship, where they were madly in love one day, and bored to tears with their relationship at other times. But they honored their commitment and stuck it out, ultimately loving each other to the very end.

However in this country at least, it seems about half or more marriages anymore never make it that far. You have your Hollywood marriages, marriages of convenience, or due to a baby coming into the world "unexpectedly". And sooner or later they all end up splitting under the ever popular idea of "irreconcilable differences", or in plain friggin english of a whiners voice "it's too much work, or I just don't want to work on it". What a friggin waste of time. Who the hell ever put it in your head that marriage is easy ought to be shot.

Life is exciting, and life is boring at times. Marriage and relationships are the same way. We all look at someone else's life, or at someone outside our relationship and wonder why the grass over there looks greener. Sometimes it may actually be, but usually its just perception. those who jump the fence often find themselves looking elsewhere again after grazing the other pasture for awhile and wondering why it isn't as green as it used to be when they weren't there yet.

Who knows what drives people to think this way. Some odd crave for more? Or maybe some internal drive that points away from monogamy? I don't know, and a big lazy part of me doesn't care enough to really look into that. They already pour millions into studies to look at the why and babble their results to whoever will listen and to get published, so they can get a few million more to do another useless study that doesn't ultimately affect human behavior so much as it just notes the behavior.

Sometimes I wonder what would happen if we would just stop from doing things to progress beyond that honeymoon stage of the first days together. If we avoided the actual involvement of getting together for sex, or moving in together, would our relationships manage to keep the same excitement that much longer, or would we just seek out someone else who's ready to put out, or move in and start a family with us??

Maybe it's just easier to text people and talk a lot without ever actually doing. Sure, you'll miss somethings, but maybe it will also lead to less emotional letdown later, if and when someone decides to move on...

They say its better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. Maybe to a degree, because you got to feel that ultimate high that love can bring you. But the question is, is it worth the pain of the ultimate low having your heart broken can bring you? And of course all the what-ifs that will undoubtedly accompany such a thing.

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Technology and Viruses

Times use to be a lot simpler. It used to be that when you brought home a TV dinner from the store, you preheated the oven (or not), and then stuck it in there to cook for 25-28 minutes (or until fully cooked). Then technology came along and we had microwaves. We ooh'd and aah'd over how quickly our meals were hot and ready to eat. Then one day we were extra hungry, so instead of the regular TV dinner, we bought a Hungry Man meal. And in our technology driven impatience get irritated that we are now spending almost 10 whole minutes or more for our meal to be ready instead of the 5 to 6 it takes for the normal sized TV dinners. Who knew that getting your old fashioned TV dinner into your mouth 20 almost 20 minutes quicker than it was when you were growing up would be a source of great consternation? Never mind the fact that you just took a big bite of the mashed potatoes straight away and spent 5 minutes with a stupid look on your face, your mouth open trying to suck in air, along with a cold drink because the mashed potatoes were so damned hot you thought you were going to set your mouth on fire!

Back in the 90's we were lucky to find a friend with the internet in his home. With that dial-up connection that kept telemarketers from bothering you, and you had access to all kinds of information without having to go to the library anymore was just so great. The technology came along and created broadband and high speed connections, which meant even more information coming even quicker. Then you go back home and see your parents in po-dunk nowhere, where the internet is still dial-up and you find yourself pissed off because your stupid friggin email won't load fast enough. You logged on at 8am, and sometime around noon you'll be able to see just how many emails you have in your inbox. It'll be 1pm or better before you even think about reading the first one, of 50! The damned post office could get correspondence between you and a friend faster than this stupid dial-up internet stuff! Hell the Pony Express could come back, pick up your handwritten documents in Maine and have them to your cousin in California, and return with a handwritten reply by the time your stupid email finally is accessible! And God forbid you clicked the wrong link... It'll be next Wednesday before you figure out what you did and get back to where you wanted to go online.

So you go back home, where you have your high speed internet, and you log into your email only to find the page loading even slower than it was on your parents dial-up connection. Apparently your porn viewing habits led you to a few viruses. Now everything you try to do on your computer only further bogs it down until it quits working altogether. And you know, you just know, that when you call in some tech support help, both over the phone and the in your home repair guy, that they are laughing to themselves about your porn addiction. They're going to run some tests and find out you have some oddly coded error that clearly points to your Goat in High Heels Porn fetish really are a sick bastard by the way, but hey, it's your money buddy!

As some of you know, I have acquired a cell phone in the past couple months. Something I swore I'd never do, and yet, I now ashamedly admit that it is convenient, especially since I don't have a land line anymore. Most people are probably thinking at this point, who needs a land line when you have a cell phone? Well, stuff it! I'm a bit old-fashioned, and I liked it that way. This is only changing out of necessity. Or at least that's what I'm telling myself. Although if I get a lower sperm count down the road, or get some brain cancer from irradiation out of my cell phone, CEOs, and a few dear cell-phone carrying friends of mine will surely die before I my hands!

Then you have the capability to link your phone number and the internet together. I'm not talking about intertwining their separate functions together somehow, although I'm sure that can be done, but it's way above my pay grade to know how. I'm talking about how you can post someone's personal information online. Like your own.
Sometimes out of a perceived necessity, desperate times call for desperate measures. So, I'm going to expose myself a bit here purely for your entertainment at my expense.

Anyways, so there is this guy, we'll call "Craig", who made an online list that you can post ads on, as well as reply to other ads. You can post a notice of a garage sale you're having, or if you want to buy or sell your home, or you can do none of those and post an ad that you are on the meat market, or reply to an ad about somebody else who put themselves on the meat market. And with a little bit of luck two perfectly good strangers can hook up and satisfy whatever needs or desires they wish to have fulfilled. Because hey, whats a good time and a couple of painful and possibly incurable STDs between strangers? Now I'm not saying I did this, but I'm also not not saying I did this.

Okay so I did this (Clearly I would never outlast any enhanced interrogation techniques by trained operatives). After a long relationship with at least semi-regular adultish activity (sex for those of you who couldn't follow my drift), it has been a long dry spell for me. Being put in a position of non-attachment, I figured what the hell. So I posted an ad and provided my contact information right there online in the form of my cellphone number in the event people wanted to bypass the more anonymous email replies. The email replies were pretty dumb. Mostly just some lame ass person trying to get you to sign up to some dating/sex/webcam website and pay money for a fantasy in your own head that you could've done with less effort before you end up just taking matters into your own hands so to speak and applying a bit of elbow, or something...

However, some real people seem to exist and reply to your ads. Some thru the email system, but a few end up texting me on my phone. SCORE!!! Mookie is in business! Well, sort of but not really. Had a few females on the line for a moment or two, but then they mysteriously disappeared without a trace... Oh well, guess you can't miss what you never had. Then I got a text one night just after I get off work, and its another female. And she sends a picture to my phone. I'm staring at a midget looking troll of a woman. Look, yes, I'm desperate for a little action, but c'mon, even a guy with face made for radio has some standards. Maybe that makes me shallow, but ask me if I care. I had a hot wife, and I'm only going to lower my standards so far before I say thanks but no thanks. And then she starts texting dirty to me...ugh! I just ignored it, as by this time I'm trying to drive the icy streets of Des Moines to do my job. I don't need the stimulation of what this troll must look like when stimulated with a little battery operated device to aid her....BLECH!

But then I get this other text another time... Things are progressing decently, and the person wants to meet me, and SOON! Details are worked out...logistically anyways. I forgot to ask a couple VERY important questions of a person who found me via the internet. Like say, a facial pic? And maybe ACTUAL Gender???? I posted on a men for women. I was naive enough to believe that only women would respond. When I'm getting close to this person's house, I sent them a text letting them know. Then the answer to one unanswered question is offered up with the simple reply: "I'm a guy."

WELL NOW! I whipped a u-turn and reversed course. Look, if you're gay, that's fine. Be gay, and have a good time with it. But don't be looking to hook and turn a straight guy out. Have some common fucking courtesy for pete's sake! I informed the guy that now the "she" I thought he was turned out to be a he, I was out. He then attempted to justify the okayedness of him performing an oratorical performance for me. (It's only..., and No one will have to know...)

Yeah no thanks. I'LL know, and that's too many people that don't want to know. Again I have no problem with gay people. Some really good friends of mine are gay. I'm happy for them, and we all accept each other for who we are and what our preferences in life might be. However, the way this dude led me on as though he was a female almost all the way up to his doorstep...well to hell with being PC, that is outright faggotry in the most evil and despicable way. And yes, I said faggotry. You don't like it, tough, deal with it, I'm not here to avoid offending people. There are gay people and there are faggots. And a gay person trying to turn out a straight guy with a bit of deception followed by trying to reason it out as to why it should happen anyways...that's a faggot, plain and simple. They have a men for men section, and women for women section. If you want to go to the list made by Craig to get in on the meat market action to find someone of your gender, you have those options plainly listed. I'm just glad for both me and that guy that he didn't let me ring the doorbell to his house. Because he would have at least ended up in the hospital and I in jail. And no, before anyone mentions the idea of Mookie committing a hate crime, no it isn't a hate crime. He would be beaten for his deceptive and lying ways, not his sexual orientation. I still shudder a bit thinking about it, but it is my own idiocy that got me there. IF I should choose to go the route of trying to obtain some meaningless satisfaction with another willing adult participant through the same medium, I will most definitely be requesting the gender AND pictorial proof of this. And even then, I may drag a buddy along with me just to make sure its kosher at the meet up.

SO yeah, technology is wonderful, but it can lead down some bad roads if you choose to go those least I didn't pick up a virus along the way

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Welcome to 2011

Okay, so first post of the year. Lots of stuff going on, or not going on. Not really sure how things got to where they are, but they are here, and I'm going to try to figure them out.

1. I have a cell phone. Yes, I know. I said I would never ever own one. Turns out it became a bit of a necessity, and I have to thank my buddy and brother Stew for lending me a hand on this one and providing me with a line on his account. And NO, you can't have my number. Just because I own one, does not mean I'm going to use it. I'll keep it around as a paper weight between calls from my parents or my kids' school.

2. I have been without computer or Internet for awhile now. I can thank my mom and dad, and our friend Steve, for having an extra desktop that found its way to the Mookified Compound. I can thank my Aunt Denise and Uncle Bill for setting me up with 3 months of Internet at no cost to me, while I get back on my feet, financially speaking. So now you can all get your regular updates on the Colonel wreaking havoc and unleashing (ironically enough) the Dogs of War! As well as the occasional updates on what the young Mooks are up to in an effort to maintain a steady presence of hilarity in life.

3. The most recent Census has the Mookified Compound down to 2 full time citizens, now, with 2 other dual-citizenship residents in the form of the Little Mooks. Since the cat is out of the bag with both families, I guess I can get it off my chest now. I have recently found myself to be a single father, as my wife relocated to her own apartment along with our sons. There is no need to speculate on the details, as those are private, and fault always lays with both adult parties. She is still the mother of my children, and essentially off limits when speaking to me. You're free to hold whatever opinions about either of us, but I don't need to hear about it. We are working together to make sure the kids can lead as normal a life as possible, given the two-home situation now, and we are relating amicably. It was a nice long run, of just shy of 14 years since our first date, and 10 1/2 years of marriage. Somewhere along the line, the flames burned out. I guess I got complacent and took her for granted for far too long without realizing the path it would take us down. She is/was the love of my life, and it sucks, but it is what it is. I regret none of it (minus the fact that it took a wrong turn and ended), and will cherish the memories for the rest of my life. I can only wish her the best life has to offer from this point forward.

So I find myself in a slightly sparser (is that a word?) apartment. I have had great help from people in the form of well wishing, lending me a hand in moving furniture into here to make it a home, food,etc etc etc. So I set out to decorate it more in my own style, but not overboard. It is the abode of a single father, not a mere bachelor. But if you must know...yes there are a couple flats of ramen noodles, as there should be in any world that is halfway right. I keep them up high though, so the Colonel doesn't get any ideas about stealing and eating my ramen. He already just this morning tried to chew the power cord to the phone charger, and tried to shred my arm and hand up shortly after returning from work. I suspect a power struggle will ensue at some point. I have prepared and studied the latest techniques on smothering a cat in his sleep by an ancient Chinese wiseguy. Then maybe I'll get the recliner to myself, unless Josh is in the house. He seems to have taken it upon himself to lay claim to the recliner whenever I'm not sitting there.

So, here's to a new year, entirely new beginnings, and hoping for and working towards the best.