Wednesday, January 26, 2011

The Fun Ends One Way Or Another

In examining relationships, it seems there are a few phases. Some more exciting than others. First you have the phase where you notice her, and then do something really cool, odd, dumb, completely stupid, or crazy to make sure she notices you.

Then if things work out the way you want, you have that whole getting to know each other/courtship phase. This always seems to be one of the more interesting portions of any relationship. You always look forward to hear from them or see them. Everything is exciting, and even the dumb stuff you look forward to.

After awhile once you've really gotten to know them, it either stays good, or sometimes things fizzle, even if just in your own mind. You get bored with them, or decide once you really know them, that quite frankly the other person sucks and you don't know what you saw in them in the first place. For some, the beginning part of the relationship is and was the best part you would ever have. The build up and excitement of 'what comes next' keeps you going. But then maybe after awhile, life allows you to blend the relationship into the mix, and everything is mundane. You still have your job, you still have your bills, and work and sleep.

Some couples make it past this point and life and their relationship merges beautifully. And in some cases, it survives all the way into marriage, and kids and careers and a new house and pets, and all that family-encompassing stuff. Some of those marriages even make it into old age, where the couple ends up sticking it out to that whole 'til death do us part' business. And that's always really great. Sure, they had their ups and downs throughout their entire relationship, where they were madly in love one day, and bored to tears with their relationship at other times. But they honored their commitment and stuck it out, ultimately loving each other to the very end.

However in this country at least, it seems about half or more marriages anymore never make it that far. You have your Hollywood marriages, marriages of convenience, or due to a baby coming into the world "unexpectedly". And sooner or later they all end up splitting under the ever popular idea of "irreconcilable differences", or in plain friggin english of a whiners voice "it's too much work, or I just don't want to work on it". What a friggin waste of time. Who the hell ever put it in your head that marriage is easy ought to be shot.

Life is exciting, and life is boring at times. Marriage and relationships are the same way. We all look at someone else's life, or at someone outside our relationship and wonder why the grass over there looks greener. Sometimes it may actually be, but usually its just perception. those who jump the fence often find themselves looking elsewhere again after grazing the other pasture for awhile and wondering why it isn't as green as it used to be when they weren't there yet.

Who knows what drives people to think this way. Some odd crave for more? Or maybe some internal drive that points away from monogamy? I don't know, and a big lazy part of me doesn't care enough to really look into that. They already pour millions into studies to look at the why and babble their results to whoever will listen and to get published, so they can get a few million more to do another useless study that doesn't ultimately affect human behavior so much as it just notes the behavior.

Sometimes I wonder what would happen if we would just stop from doing things to progress beyond that honeymoon stage of the first days together. If we avoided the actual involvement of getting together for sex, or moving in together, would our relationships manage to keep the same excitement that much longer, or would we just seek out someone else who's ready to put out, or move in and start a family with us??

Maybe it's just easier to text people and talk a lot without ever actually doing. Sure, you'll miss somethings, but maybe it will also lead to less emotional letdown later, if and when someone decides to move on...

They say its better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. Maybe to a degree, because you got to feel that ultimate high that love can bring you. But the question is, is it worth the pain of the ultimate low having your heart broken can bring you? And of course all the what-ifs that will undoubtedly accompany such a thing.


Eric said...

See? You can create good blog titles if you try

Megan Holmes said...

I think the problem is rampant ADD. People just don't have the attention span to work through the hard stuff. People are more and more easily distracted...and watching the same movie till death do us part? Most people can hardly sit through the entire set of extended versions of LOTR even when they are their favorite movies!