Monday, July 19, 2010

I Need An Indestructible Mechanical Head


So, I went back to the dentist today. Now some of you know that I have only two whole real teeth left in my mouth. Well today was x-rays and cleaning, in preparation for even more work.

I once had my mouth to the point of being almost completely taken care of. Then a wisdom tooth comes out of nowhere, and due to finances at the time I couldn't afford to have it pulled so that I could re-insert my bottom partial. That was a couple years back. A few months ago I had the deteriorated wisdom tooth pulled. And now I wanted to get refitted for a new set of bottom teeth.

So I went to the dentist who insisted on checking the integrity of my two teeth. As usual, there had been some deterioration underneath where the crown had been placed. It is my opinion that the previous dentist put the crowns on too soon before allowing my mouth to heal up properly, so the crown didn't go all the way down into my gum line the way it should. The dentist didn't come out and say it, but I think she agreed.

With the current crowns, a lot of the tooth is blocked from the view of the x-rays, and they found a slight cavity, but they have no idea how big it may be underneath the crown. Lovely. Just friggin lovely. this is of course after being subjected to a long time in the torture chamber, err, dentists chair to get scraped, poked, and all cleaned up. I swear the work on those two teeth took longer to get cleaned up than any dentist in my life had taken on me when I had a full set. I've never LIKED going to the dentist, but it was never an excruciatingly dreadful experience that I freaked out about going, like some people do. But after this session, I think I'm not liking them so much anymore. The sound of them scraping my teeth reminded me of fingernails on a chalkboard, or dragging a coffee mug across a rough counter top tile. The mere thought of which makes the teeth I no longer have hurt like hell. I hate that friggin noise!

Well, I go in on Thursday to get my upper relined for a better snugger fit. Then we go to work on the two bottom teeth. One needs to have some buildup work done on it to protect the tooth underneath that crown better. Then there is the left one, the one with the cavity. They will be cutting the old crown off to inspect the extent of the cavity damage. Then we'll proceed to either fill it in and cap it, root canal it and cap it, or insert a post to hold the remainder of the tooth and new crown in place. Then we go on the partial to clip in.

I do want to thank my wife for taking a job that covers my dental needs in her benefits package, without also having to charge me for the health insurance itself as a costly prerequisite that I won't use anyways. My company offers benefits, but they cost a bit too much and aren't nearly as good as her insurance. And quite frankly I'd like to have something resembling a paycheck rather than forfeit it all for substandard insurance.

I have an immune system that I would put up against any one's at anytime. but for some reason, no matter what I do for my teeth, no matter how many thousands of dollars I put into them, they just SUCK!

I think that while we're at it, I just have them lop this head off, sculpt a desirable face and make me a new one out of titanium or some other almost impossible to destroy alloy. Then I could have razor sharp shark teeth put in, so I could just walk into a field along any number of our Iowa roads and get my beef straight from the source with a simple biting. No need for all those middle men involved in rendering, distributing, cooking and serving my beef at a marked up cost. Of course, if I ever bite my tongue, that might prove disastrous. Maybe we'll go with dull-razor sharp teeth? But then I would also never have to worry about shaving anymore. And they could insert my eyes with x-ray and infrared capabilities, telescopic sighting, and maybe even a smart weapon technology that would allow me to aim any piece of my arsenal just by moving my eyes to the target. Now THAT would be cool! And of course, entertaining the family by installing a laser pointer in there to make the cat chase it around the floor and up the walls. That's always a good time for all who get to see it. Cats are psychotically driven to chase those things. And right now, the only thing my cat goes after with that sudden movement capability is a fly. He ate one yesterday after chasing it around the apartment for about 5 or 6 minutes yesterday.



Of course once I get that installed, I'm sure there'd be someone like Sarah or John Connors coming to destroy me since I would be too much like one of the terminator machines. But, at least I wouldn't have any teeth issues anymore, and life would be grand. And, I could just pull back my facial skin at Halloween to freak the kids out!

Anyways, hopefully within the next month to month and a half, this will be all done, and then I can just go in for 6 month cleanings/check-ups and not worry so much...except for that incessant scraping noise!

3 comments:

renaissanceguy said...

I have a phobia toward dentists. I found a very understanding dentist who has helped me a lot and gotten everything taken care of without causing me to die.

Mookie said...

I never had much of a phobia of dentists, I just am starting to develop the dislike of them.

I was always lucky enough when I was getting major overhauls done on my mouth to have dentists who understood that I am not the kind of person who responds to the normal dose of novocaine/septacaine/lydocaine, but require more in order to not feel everything they are doing to torture...err, fix me up.

the only problem is, I have the same after effects of having more than the usual dosage. It only took 3 or 4 times to realize that afterwards, soup, while not damging to the new dental work, was no good to eat while the face is numb. The rest of me turns into one giant bib, and I'm left hungry and wet!

scotterb said...

I like that, "checking the integrity" of your teeth.

"I didn't lie, my dishonest teeth forced my mouth to form those words!"