Monday, July 30, 2012

The Colonel Vindicated!!!

The previously noted charges against the esteemed Colonel Beauregard Sterling Lovell Have been dropped following new information that trickled into the hands of The Commission over the weekend.

When the Colonel was originally charged with Cowardice in combat, the original indications were that he had ran away from a battle against an enemy that looked a lot like this unworthy opponent.

We are sure the Colonel would've handed this one a swift defeat

Instead, after an eye-witness report from General Mook himself, we learned that the real face of the enemy, seen in a second incursion against the Colonel was much more like this:

Only through sheer stupidity disguised as bravery, would the General jump in front of THIS threat in order to save the Colonel

Instead of a charge of Cowardice, the Colonel is now being awarded medals for a textbook tactical retreat, this time without injury.  In order to clear his good name, the Colonel sought out the enemy and engaged the enemy long enough to lure it to the forward grounds of the Mookified Compound, allowing Mookified Forces to identify an aggressor and gather further intel.  The Colonel is also being awarded the Grand Medal of Edification, for his allowing the General to gather yet another award of valor in the face of outright danger.

Not only was this behemoth cat-like creature armed with front claws, he was less the size of any known cat in the universe, but approximately the size of a small pack elephant.  He had fangs as long as a mammoth's tusks.

An Artist's Rendition of the size-scale of the beast
By our best estimations, it will take a tank to stop this animal.  However, with the General's bravado and evil not-yet-had-a-full-cup-of-coffee morning stare, the ghastly beast retreated away from the Colonel and off the Mookified grounds.  We believe that this act alone will keep the mean bastard away.  Only time will tell, and full preparations are being made to deal with any threats in the future posed by the enemy.  Currently it is unsure if this is some one's pet, or a stray tomcat that feeds on small children to maintain its overly healthy dimensions.

Rest assured however, the Colonel has redeemed himself as a soldier, and as the reigning executive officer under General Mook.  In addition to Medals related to his valor being conferred, we are planning to put staff underneath him in a yet to be named non-commissioned officer of the canine variety.  We have one in mind, however we are leaving it to the Colonel to make the final decision on his staffing personnel.  Picture Announcements will be posted once the post is approved and filled.

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