NO GAY SEX! (unless you have a LOT of cash to fork over)

So here I am, sitting here at the computer wasting time on Facebook, and going back and forth looking at other pages. Along with Google, my spam mail is promising money left and right. Payday loans, bad credit loans worth more than I've ever had at any one time, free grants the government is just going to pay me to sit here on my ass.

So sure, I can definitely use more money. Not at 3500% interest or whatever, and I'm certainly not sending in $45 (normally $245, but I'm getting a special deal! they must know how awesome I am) to get my free information kit on how to make $1000s a day just like this guru with his fancy webpage and video of him driving nice cars. The whole thing on facebook of bill gates or some random ass lottery winner saying they will give you free money if you share the post and just ask for it...talk about a joke.

First off, Bill Gates isn't giving me money. Secondly, despite being part of the Giving Pledge thing a bunch of billionaires put together as their own little charitable club they belong to (I suspect mostly to make them feel better about themselves in a public relations sense), these guys aren't giving money away to regular people. They are looking at "legitimate" charities. I suspect they have a hand in running some of those charities to begin with, which is almost ridiculous if you ask me. That's more like a tax write off without actually losing a penny.

I tend to peruse the job ads from time to time, and I've found out hard work often pays less than everything else. A 16 year old ditz in high school speaking on the phone using a pre-written script to work from actually makes more money than most jobs I see where manual labor is actually involved for some guy just trying to support his family. And it's also amazing how many jobs now require a college education just to get some job that pays less than $30,000 a year! What the hell is THAT? Is the state of our public education system so bad that you need college just to get you closer to a simple wage that's high enough to pay the bills of a mediocre lifestyle? And what's with all the staffing companies? Every corporation out there is working with a bunch of $10-$15/hr workers who aren't really working FOR the company. Don't get me wrong, a lot of those people do great work, and for some that's the only way to get work. I guess it's better to float the CEO's pay when you underpay everyone and don't have to offer them perks...

Now, I don't have much in the way of job skills. I was the 16 year old ditz on the phone, I sided houses for awhile, I did security work, and I've worked in restaurants. None of which paid all that well. Sometimes I worked very hard at those jobs, but a lot of the time I kind of slacked off and just did what needed to be done without anything extra. Why? Because it didn't really matter much. Months of hard work resulted in me making no more than some guy who spent his entire day jerking off. Sometimes I made even less than those guys who didn't know their head from their ass, and I was picking up their slack. But it seemed my low wage was barely able to be afforded by the boss, so no raise for me or anyone else. Now don't mind me, I'm just venting, the entire point of this article isn't to complain, I just lost focus for a bit...and I'm too lazy to delete all that wasted effort.

These days I'm still trying to figure out how to make more money. A substantial amount to be exact, not just something to get me by for the next week or so. I'm talking about random ass jobs for good money. And I've decided I have VERY FEW caveats. You pick the job, task, etc- minus the caveats listed below- and we'll talk.

1) I will NOT kill anyone for cash (although I might maim someone for the right price- which also means you footing the lawyer fees). If you want me to be your killing dummy, we do the cash ahead of time of course so I can get the money to the wife and kids first. Then I'll be your huckleberry.

2) I will NOT let a bull charge me and ram me right in the gonads...or take a baseball bat there. Plain and simple: no nut shots that could result in permanent damage!

I mean c'mon, I'm pretty dumb, I'll admit that. But I'm not COMPLETELY insane!

3) NO GAY SEX (unless you're coming with something like a million bucks or more, I'm thinking closer to $10 million, but we can negotiate- AND that gets no publicity- save that for Dallas Cowboy fans)

Other than that I'm pretty much game. I'll drive you around town, do your shopping, you name it. You want your house demolished, re-drywalled or burned down, I'm your guy. You want me to clean your house in some odd looking outfit (or no outfit at all) while you videotape it? You're a special kind of odd, but I'll still do it! You want me to play a real life game of Frogger on the freeway, wrestle wild herds of feral cats, whatever your fetish might be, I'm your man. You tell me what game you want me to play, we'll discuss a price tag and then I'll do whatever it is you want for that price. Proof of funds are required and I get paid that day. Don't get me wrong, I still have every intention of continuing working a job, short of winning a big lottery I just want to raise about $100,000 so I can wipe my debts out and get a good down payment for a house. Although I would definitely take more money than that if the jobs just keep coming. Every man has his price, and I'm no different. It's all a matter of negotiation with me. I CAN be bought!

So pass this on to all your friends that actually have money they are willing to part with in order to be entertained by directing my antics and help me make some real friggin money.

Abercrombie Encourages Infantile Sluttiness?

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The "padded" bikini top for little girls. Just one item in a list of many on the web page, which I'm not going to allow their link to be graced on my blog.
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So I logged onto my facebook account this morning as I usually do after getting home from work. A friend of mine has a post about Abercrombie now marketing swimwear with padded bikini tops towards the 7-8 year old girl. Many of you readers already know that I am a bit "out there" with where my mind wanders and some of my actions in life. Some of you who really know me, know it takes a lot for me to become suddenly morally outraged. I may not be thrilled with some things on a moral level personally, but generally abide by the old adage, "To each their own." But this really kind of irritated me on a level I am not even sure I can fully comprehend.

I only have young boys for children, so one might think I would be less concerned with such things. But my mind actually wandered into the realm of WHAT IF. What if I had a little girl? Well if I did, she sure as hell would never be getting the opportunity to wear one of these abominations of swimwear. And if anyone bought one for her...it wouldn't even be returned, it would be burned, and videotaped to be put on YouTube shortly thereafter. I don't care how well the marketers may craft it into some "must have" item for little girls. Even if it ruined my imaginary little girl's fragile little self esteem and social standing with all the other little girls whose mothers chose to get them the edgy fashionable slutty swimwear, then so be it. I'd gladly pay for the counseling later, rather than let her wear this kind of garbage.

Now some of you may be asking just whats wrong with a padded bikini top? Well, where to start? For one, the entire premise behind a padded bikini top in its previous forms was to give a little extra oomph in the breast department. It wasn't made for protection, it was made to show of the boobs.

As a former teenager, I didn't mind seeing this on girls my age at the time, or 'older' women either for that matter. At least they had reached puberty and were growing something that may or may not have needed a little extra help showing off. At the same time, I'm sure their dads were all groaning and plotting slow painful deaths to guys like me who took great pleasure in "boobie watching", as it were. Now there was a limit to our watching and admiring, and 7 and 8 year olds were definitely not in the watchable category. As morally questionable as teenage boys are, we (at least the people I knew growing up) knew better than to think it was okay to go oggling some little kid, nevermind the fact that we had no interest in little girls in such a way. Even when we were little, we knew little girls had cooties, and even if we found ourselves "liking" one of these creatures, it was an innocent puppy love that didn't trigger anything sexual whatsoever.

Now clothes makers have always been pushing edgy and fashionable to different new horizons. The midriff shirts, the pants designed to show off your thong and half your ass crack... the thong itself. Bikinis actually as well, when they replaced the one piecers all the adult ladies I knew wore to the pool or beach. They eventually expanded the bikini to little girls... even then I pretty much didn't care. It's a little girl, whatever. But now you're pushing breast enhancing pads into these things to throw on little girls who presumably don't even have breasts?? I mean c'mon! At some point you have to realize just how sick things have gotten. I thought reality TV was the height of moral decadence in our country, but this pretty much just went right up to the number one slot in about 5 seconds of me finding out about it. Sure, the pads are "removable", but so the fuck what? Why are they there in the first place? Protection??? On a 7 to 8 year old girl?? I think not. There are far more spots on a little girls body that would require protection before her chest did.

I'm not sure who deserves to be fired and shot, and not necessarily in that order, The moron who designed this stuff, the boss who approved it because it was a such a "great idea", and edgy and all that mumbo jumbo, or the friggin marketers who, lacking much in the way of morals and ethics once money is waved in their face.

Now I'm all about the free market and making products that people need and want, but I think at this point they are trying to artificially create a market where none existed and are now going to push it down our throats as much as possible until the idea of a 7 or 8 year old girl with the swimwear equivalent of a pushup bra is so mainstream we don't even think about it. What's next, edible thongs for kids??? I mean for fucks sake, go design whatever the hell ya want in the privacy of your own little office, but there does come a point where you need to consider that not every one of your little ideas is worthy of being shown off to the world.

With all the news of pedophiles out and about in the world all around us, why would you even bother with such nonsense. It's like you're trying to offer up your little girl with a target on her for these nutjobs, just so you can look like a "cool" mom who's hip and trendy and has her daughter wearing the "latest" thing, that other mom's will be envious of you and adore you for your progressive forward thinking ways.

SO to the guys who designed, made and marketed this idea, and to any parent who considers getting this for their kid to actually wear..., I hope you get chased into a pit full of Duckbill Platypi and feel the wrath of its venomous stinger and the subsequent issues that come along with it, even after treatment, you pieces of fucking TRASH! And after that, if you would be so kind as to douse yourselves in gasoline and light yourselves on fire for a little rendition of "hell on earth", that'd be great.