NO GAY SEX! (unless you have a LOT of cash to fork over)

So here I am, sitting here at the computer wasting time on Facebook, and going back and forth looking at other pages. Along with Google, my spam mail is promising money left and right. Payday loans, bad credit loans worth more than I've ever had at any one time, free grants the government is just going to pay me to sit here on my ass.

So sure, I can definitely use more money. Not at 3500% interest or whatever, and I'm certainly not sending in $45 (normally $245, but I'm getting a special deal! they must know how awesome I am) to get my free information kit on how to make $1000s a day just like this guru with his fancy webpage and video of him driving nice cars. The whole thing on facebook of bill gates or some random ass lottery winner saying they will give you free money if you share the post and just ask for it...talk about a joke.

First off, Bill Gates isn't giving me money. Secondly, despite being part of the Giving Pledge thing a bunch of billionaires put together as their own little charitable club they belong to (I suspect mostly to make them feel better about themselves in a public relations sense), these guys aren't giving money away to regular people. They are looking at "legitimate" charities. I suspect they have a hand in running some of those charities to begin with, which is almost ridiculous if you ask me. That's more like a tax write off without actually losing a penny.

I tend to peruse the job ads from time to time, and I've found out hard work often pays less than everything else. A 16 year old ditz in high school speaking on the phone using a pre-written script to work from actually makes more money than most jobs I see where manual labor is actually involved for some guy just trying to support his family. And it's also amazing how many jobs now require a college education just to get some job that pays less than $30,000 a year! What the hell is THAT? Is the state of our public education system so bad that you need college just to get you closer to a simple wage that's high enough to pay the bills of a mediocre lifestyle? And what's with all the staffing companies? Every corporation out there is working with a bunch of $10-$15/hr workers who aren't really working FOR the company. Don't get me wrong, a lot of those people do great work, and for some that's the only way to get work. I guess it's better to float the CEO's pay when you underpay everyone and don't have to offer them perks...

Now, I don't have much in the way of job skills. I was the 16 year old ditz on the phone, I sided houses for awhile, I did security work, and I've worked in restaurants. None of which paid all that well. Sometimes I worked very hard at those jobs, but a lot of the time I kind of slacked off and just did what needed to be done without anything extra. Why? Because it didn't really matter much. Months of hard work resulted in me making no more than some guy who spent his entire day jerking off. Sometimes I made even less than those guys who didn't know their head from their ass, and I was picking up their slack. But it seemed my low wage was barely able to be afforded by the boss, so no raise for me or anyone else. Now don't mind me, I'm just venting, the entire point of this article isn't to complain, I just lost focus for a bit...and I'm too lazy to delete all that wasted effort.

These days I'm still trying to figure out how to make more money. A substantial amount to be exact, not just something to get me by for the next week or so. I'm talking about random ass jobs for good money. And I've decided I have VERY FEW caveats. You pick the job, task, etc- minus the caveats listed below- and we'll talk.

1) I will NOT kill anyone for cash (although I might maim someone for the right price- which also means you footing the lawyer fees). If you want me to be your killing dummy, we do the cash ahead of time of course so I can get the money to the wife and kids first. Then I'll be your huckleberry.

2) I will NOT let a bull charge me and ram me right in the gonads...or take a baseball bat there. Plain and simple: no nut shots that could result in permanent damage!

I mean c'mon, I'm pretty dumb, I'll admit that. But I'm not COMPLETELY insane!

3) NO GAY SEX (unless you're coming with something like a million bucks or more, I'm thinking closer to $10 million, but we can negotiate- AND that gets no publicity- save that for Dallas Cowboy fans)

Other than that I'm pretty much game. I'll drive you around town, do your shopping, you name it. You want your house demolished, re-drywalled or burned down, I'm your guy. You want me to clean your house in some odd looking outfit (or no outfit at all) while you videotape it? You're a special kind of odd, but I'll still do it! You want me to play a real life game of Frogger on the freeway, wrestle wild herds of feral cats, whatever your fetish might be, I'm your man. You tell me what game you want me to play, we'll discuss a price tag and then I'll do whatever it is you want for that price. Proof of funds are required and I get paid that day. Don't get me wrong, I still have every intention of continuing working a job, short of winning a big lottery I just want to raise about $100,000 so I can wipe my debts out and get a good down payment for a house. Although I would definitely take more money than that if the jobs just keep coming. Every man has his price, and I'm no different. It's all a matter of negotiation with me. I CAN be bought!

So pass this on to all your friends that actually have money they are willing to part with in order to be entertained by directing my antics and help me make some real friggin money.

If it's Fair, Does That Make It Right?

So, the topic of unions has come up recently. I don't know about the rest of the country, but here in Iowa, union leadership is trying to push through bills including the idea of "fair share" in the workplace.

In Iowa, we have right to work laws, that state that in order to work, one needn't necessarily join a union or pay union dues, just because a union is present in a particular workplace. Union and non-union members alike work side by side. With Fair Share, if put into legislation, any worker in these particular workshops would be required to pay union dues (people hired before enactment of any such law would be grandfathered in, as this is limited to new hires) regardless of union membership.

Now, let me first say this. I am not against unions. I think they have their place in our society. They have done many good things in the past for workers (the 40 hr week, weekends off, etc), and still presently provide benefits to their members.

Where my argument against this idea of fair share lies is the limitation of my choices. If I'm a welder by trade (which I'm not, just an example), and I wish to go to work at a local foundry or whereever, and they have union representation in that particular shop, the union leadership is trying to say that I have to pay them, or go look elsewhere for employment. I've never met an employer that demands payment from me, for my work. It's always been that they pay me for my doing work so that they can make and distribute a product, or provide a service. But in order to participate in this hypothetical scenario, I now am required not only to pay about 20% or so of my earnings to the government in taxes, social security, and medicare/aid, but also now I'm throwing a percentage of my check at the union leadership. What all they do these days, depends on the local and the particular workplaces, I don't know the specifics. If the union leadership decides everything in our shop is hunky-dory over the span of my career, what exactly is my money funding?
In the end that's not even the point. The point is, I need money to support myself and more importantly my family, so that we have what we need to live. If I have the money by trading my time and efforts, and I have to use this money to pay for al these things, why should I also pay someone for the God-given right and responsibility to support my family?

Does my union membership somehow make me a better worker? Or for that matter, lack of membership suddenly decrease my talents and abilities on the job? I don't think so. I know some union workers who make my work activities look like kid's play, but I also know union workers who wouldn't work as hard as me, because they don't get paid enough to work that hard (despite making more than I do, which isnt hard to do), or "it's not their job" (I dont much care...if your forklift load lost a package off the pallet, pick the damn thing up if it isnt all that big or heavy).

Does union membership or lack thereof determine who I can trust in the workplace? Or suddenly preclude me from friendship with a memebr of the other side of the issue? No, because that's stupid. I'm a conservative, yet many of my closest friends and family are bleeding heart liberals, who agree on nothing with me politically. We don't say to each other, either take my side, or you're not a firend, or someone I can trust. I'm a devout gun guy, but those who don't care for guns, are fine by me. I also like to eat meat, a LOT. Do vegetarians offend me? Not really..although if you try to sneak in a tofu burger in place of my all beef patties, we might have ourselves a bit of a disagreement on the spot.

Anyways, my ADHD-like ways took over again...sorry. If I'm out looking for a job, and I'm offered an opportunity to work at a place, I'm going to take the job. If a union is present, undoubtedly a union rep will find me. I will listen to what he has to say and offer me. In the end, it should be my decision as to what I participate in, for exchanging my time and labor. If the employer is offering me one wage, and the union offers me better pay for the exact same position, I'll most likely go through the union rep. But in the end, I'd like the opportunity to sign my own deals. Either way I go, the rewards or consequences solely rest on my shoulders. My work choices shouldn't be mandated by the government, as these bill, if passed, would be a reality.

Pro-union people have pushed the "right to work" laws as "right to work for less". The way I see it, I have the right to work for whatever amount of money is within the limits of an employers ability to pay. Again, I'm not opposed to unions, but unions shouldn't be opposed to me making my choice of where i work, and for what amount of money.