Tuesday, November 4, 2014

So Now That I've Voted...

My part in the 114th election cycle (or is it the 20th or the 847th?) is done.  I would like to point out, that once again I did not see my name on the ballot.  I didn't even vote for myself for any of the offices up for election.

Now some conspiracy theorists might suggest that this is a direct result of the biased Anti-Mook media machine making sure that my name didn't get out to the voting public, as well as airing commercials subliminally hypnotizing me into voting against myself.  Some might say it was Islamic Jihadists trying to suppress freedom and the American Way (Which I clearly represent at all turns), or the Koch brothers spending billions in silencing my voice among the masses of their preferred candidates.

I assure you, that none of these scenarios are the case. Since the voting polls are still open, I will take this time to get out my political message, before going silent on the matter until at least Monday, when the next election cycle punditry shall start with all those talking heads on TV.

I chose to not run for any office this year because in 2016, it will be the first time in my life that I will be eligible to seek the office of the President of the United States of America. 

Soon to be renamed the Mookified Compound

Because of the two year time crunch, I would not want to burden my supporters with the fact that I, as their chosen leader, would be forced to spend all the time I am supposed to be representing them out on the campaign trail.  Also, If I were to end up in an office that the term would over run that time frame, I would not want to disappoint them by leaving my elected position to take over the bigger better opportunity.

So, in the off chance that too many of you numbskulls wrote me in as your candidate of choice, let me be clear.  I am regretfully informing you that I am hereby conceding this year's elections.  It was a non hard fought battle, but I have stepped aside from the path of all my many opponents. the more they wreck shit between now and then, the greater my accomplishments as leader of the free world, and eventually the universe (I'll be more specific on my plans for NASA at a later date) will seem.

"But what about getting some government experience before attempting to ascend to the Presidency?" you say. To this I answer: I will not be labeled a political/Washington insider. The only pork I want to be associated with supporting between now and then will be bacon. And bratwursts- lots of both.

The kind of pork Washington DC needs!

With your help in 2 years, I will see us through a new sense of economic prosperity to include greater investments in business as well as higher wages for many.  A complete change in our foreign policy, and total reform of immigration.  The budgets will be balanced, the national debts drawn down, infrastructure improved and other amazing things that will blow your minds.  I'd put it down in writing, but by keeping it in my head, none of these idiots in Washington that are all about them and their parties taking credit for shit can steal it and destroy the perfection of the idea and screw 90% of the population, or more.

So consider today, the day you elect your representatives for this midterm election, the day I officially announce my candidacy for the next President of the United States.  I'll accept your support in the form of PAC money, or just straight cash in hand. Thank you for not voting for me this time around, and good night my fellow Americans.

Be a freedom loving patriot- Vote Mookie in 2016!

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