Thursday, December 31, 2009

New Year's Resolutions

So, New Year's Day is just mere hours away. And people are getting all their New Year Resolutions in order. I predict by March that 95% of you will fail to make it through most, if not all of them. I don't say this to be mean or some kind of "negative nellie", I'm just being real.

From the Bureau of Homemade Statistics:

95% of those who make resolutions for the new year will fail to succeed in all of them. Of those that do manage to succeed, the success is based on a curve of any number of teh resolutions being attempted. 87.4% of people lie about completing just one.

For me, I'm making one last New Year's Resolution. And I should be successful in amking this one happen. It is to never make another New Year's Resolution again. EVER

This is either a pass or fail measure. I am planning for full success. Partially becauswe of the stupidity of these things, and partially because I am pretty lazy. NOT making a list of things to do seems to be easy enough. Definitely easier than actually making that list.

Plus consider this thought: Given the high failure rate of resolutions made at New Year's time, it makes a good competition with government performance. For those of you who pay attention, name the last major success of government. And don't grade on a curve. If you can't give it a legitimate "A", then it doesn't count as a success.

Besides the failure rate of resolutions, think about what making them means. It means you see needs for improvement. On its face, this seems natural as none of us are perfect. However, it means you aren't happy with your situation, or with yourself.

Well, I'm fine with me, and any problems I see must not be that bad if I'm not going to take care of them, regardless of the time fo year. New Start my ass, that can happen anytime. And if you have a problem with me or my situation (and ladies, I dont mean me being married so you can't have me, so back off that one), well then that isn't a problem for me to solve. That's your problem you have to work out on your own.

So you can either like me, put up with me, or ignore me. Anything else I'm not going to acknowledge, much less put forth an effort to change that status. I wasted far too much of my life trying to fit in with the popular crowd, also unsuccessfully. So screw it.

If you do make a resolution, I wish you luck. I just don't want to hear about it, unless you actually made good on it. And if you failed at one, don't expect me to be surprised. Its normal. I'm not all that great at aiding your pity party either, I'll just try to one up you until you get frustrated and give up.

Despite my rant, I do hope you enjoy your New Years, whether you're out celebrating or staying in.


DeadMule said...

I think New Year's resolutions are silly. Happy New Year!

Anonymous said...

My resolution: host no New Years parties. We invited about ten friends (some couples and families) and only one could make it -- most are out of town, but a number had to cancel the last day or two. Because they have young kids, they had to leave at 10:30. It was fun, and we have some food and drink left over, but it's 11:30, our New Year's party is already over, Natasha is playing Guitar Hero in the next room, and I'm going to challenge her to Wii Winter Olympics (the boys' Christmas gift to her). Happy 2010!

Becky said...

Like I said on FB, I can't believe it took you this long to realize that New Year's resolutions are stupid. But then, so are you.

love you!!! hehehehe