Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Pranks and Other Observations

Today's post doesn't have any central theme, other than my weird little observations in life.

Observation #1 (Saturday night): ANY type of cussing causes my youngest child to laugh hysterically. Even if the word 'crap' is mentioned on a DVD, or TV, or whatever and Corwyn is in the room, he immediately laughs. If it's anything much harsher that he need not hear, the reaction is still the same. While he knows he is not supposed to say such words, to merely hear them sends him over the edge.

The other night I was wasting time playing RISK online (I love the game, but the dice rolling concept really sucks...how does one lose 20 armies to four armies on a regular basis? It's ridiculous). My wife was in the kitchen reading and preparing supper. The boys were on the couch, and I hear the words "wiener-boy" and "butt (or nut) bag" being repeatedly constantly as they discuss whatever inane mindless things little kids discuss. But after every time one of these words is repeated they both start cackling. They both have their own unique laughter, which I have determined that I could pick out in a room full of a thousand little kids from just about any distance. The cackling in and of itself is humorous to me. I decided to give it a few minutes to see if the subject would die down on its own. Anyways, I made the executive decision (poorly or not) that such words didn't quite cross the line entirely. That and of course I was slightly amused myself, as I am so often easily amused. Of course, left to their own devices, the subject, no matter how retarded it may be will continue to grow a life of its own when left unchecked. Eventually I, or maybe it was my wife, decided that the conversation was just too much and they needed to discuss something other than the antics of this so-called "wiener boy" and his superpowers derived from his "Butt (or nut) bag". It was time that they expanded their vocabulary's usage for while. Now that I think about it, it was my wife who stopped it, because I was busy facing away from them and holding in my laughter at the whole situation, which included them getting a talking-to from their mother. I'm not sure what it is, but I still find it amusing to watch others get into trouble...even if it is my own kids.

Observation #2 (this morning): BBQ Sauce. I love the smell of BBQ sauce, especially right before we slap it on some chicken to be fried or roasted. However last night, there was still some BBQ sauce leftover and sitting in the bowl my wife made it in. It hadn't been dispensed of or put into the fridge for later use. And while I was making coffee after coming home this morning, all I could smell was this hours old BBQ sauce sitting right there next to me. And I realized, I do not like the smell of the stuff the day after. Made me kind of queasy.

Prank (Friday night): My sister, Becky is great for playing tricks on. You have already read about the trick I played on her with her Christmas gift. well, now I have an even better one that she succumbed to this last weekend.
Apparently, before they went home to Florida, my dad started talking to my niece, Sophie. He kept mentioning how she needed a puppy when she got home. According to my dad, he was sure that my sister was getting a little bit perturbed by this, but all the puppy talk always had Sophie smiling. So my dad calls me up, and tells me I need to mess with my sister a bit on this issue. Of course he called me. As the resident a**hole in her life, since a very early age, I'm the natural pick to keep messing with her.

So I grabbed a picture off of petfinder.com of a small dog that looks like a miniature version (and I mean EXACTLY like) of a mutt dog we grew up with. then I looked up Orlando International Airport and found phone numbers and used the map of the grounds to give her directions to some building and convinced her it was where the live cargo comes into the airport. Becky is getting madder by the moment. She of course thinks to question my motives as serious or not, as she isn't completely dumb. Of course I played it off that mom and dad had arranged for this dog to be adopted, bought a flight for it out of Des Moines, here where I live, etc etc, and I wouldn't go to all this trouble just to mess with her head. Being gullible as she is, she finally bought into it. And boy was she pissed off!!!! She gave me reasons as to why they didn't need a dog, couldn't have a dog, and all that mess. I told her then to call mom and dad to straighten it out with them, and to call me back so I knew what my plans were for Monday (yesterday), since they had done everything and were having me pick the dog up and get it off on a plane to her. so she hangups with me and calls them. I got a call about 15 minutes later. I say "hello", knowing full well who it is, thanks to caller ID. There is a short pause, as I feel her drawing in every bit of rage she can, and then proceeds to introduce herself with the kinds of words Corwyn would begin laughing hysterically at. All I heard was "F**K You!" And then I started laughing hysterically. The way I figure it is that since she isn't pregnant, getting her blood pressure up a bit isn't all that unhealthy. I think she's still a bit mad at me and dad. Later that night I see her Facebook posting that says "My family sucks, they know why". I left a nice comment that says she brought it on herself. She responded to the effect that it isn't her fault I'm a dick.

Well the truth of the matter is a little bit different. Not that I'm arguing her point about me being a dick, because I am sometimes, ...okay a lot of the time. But, I do blame this on her entirely. Now stay with me here. She knows I am into pranks. She also fouled up my Christmas gift guessing game a couple years, a long time ago, and she did it intentionally.

And as smart as she is, and she is getting better at her people smarts than she used to be, she is still gullible and easy to pull pranks on. She also knows that I love to pull pranks on people, and that I have virtually no life, therefore she should KNOW that she is a prime target here. And, to top it off, after actually thinking to question me, she buys my sheepish answer (and I suck at lying, over the phone or in person), and proceeds to get irritated at the gall my dad had to supposedly send a puppy to them. Like I said, she brought it on herself. I stand by my faked brilliance, and consider this prank a successful victory. My dad also does, as he called me back while I was still on the phone with Becky who was steamed at me. He laughed hysterically when I told him how she started the return phone call with me.

I'm beginning to think it is a Lovell male trait to laugh hysterically when we hear someone start cussing.

Getting into trouble (Sunday Afternoon): For Christmas this year, my grandmother and her husband (do I call him Grandpa or by his name? They just got married a few years ago, I don't understand the protocol here), sent us a Christmas card along with $25 in Target gift coins for each boy. Well, Sunday the boys and I ran over to Target so they could get the gifts they wanted, and then we could get a picture of them with their new loot to send off to my Grandmother.

So we get there, and they each get some random toy, but also each gets a sword of some sort. josh picked up a flip-action Star Wars light saber, and Corwyn got himself the sword that goes with his GI JOE Storm Shadow outfit he had worn for Halloween this last year. After we got home, some point later there was a sword fight. Then one of them got the grand idea of challenging me, or having the other brother challenge me. SO we dueled a few times, me vs one, then the other, then each other, all times with the two different swords. Well, we did this in the living room, right in front of the couch where my wife is reading her book. It didn't take long, but we got told to put the swords away after I made a mistake and accidentally shifted the wrong way and caught my wife in the face with the sword. So I apologized to the boys for getting us into trouble, and then as they took the swords to be put away, I sat down next to my wife and began to apologize to her. She told me not to sweet talk her. I said I wasn't, but merely apologizing. What I said next did me in for the day. I meant to say I was going to make it up to her (in a amorous tone of voice), but my speaking dyslexia kicked in and said I was going to let her make it up to me. I didn't realize until she repeated it back to me with an incredulous look on her face. I really need to learn to shut up, cut my losses and disappear after screwing up. I think it is almost in my favor to skip any apologies. I have a tendency to only make it worse, even if by accident. Of course opting out any attempts might get me in just as much hot water as screwing one up. Man, I am screwed!


Josh said...

Just don't let your kids touch the mute button on the TV remote. When I was a kid, I used to "edit" the foul language on Arthur and Clifford the Big Red Dog. Even though my family found it annoying, it was fun to make it seem like those cartoon characters were swearing!

Mookie said...


Thanks for checking in. That's actually pretty funny. I'm sure that your parents were amused with you more often than not!