Thursday, November 4, 2010

State Of The Cat Address- Nov2010

From the desk of: Colonel Beauregard Sterling Lovell

Well, this time around, we'll get through the nitty-gritty details, then onto my diaboloical plans for the future.

So far the economy is going well. The lady in the house has just accepted a job that pays better. I've heard rumors of the General preparing for as second job, or replacing it altogether with something more akin to daytime hours. I'm not sure how I feel about everyone being gone all day, as I will have to do my own bidding during that time. I've been eating pretty heartily, but I expect more posh snacking with more money to circulate around here. I've also done very well in making sure my fiber intake is being supplemented well enough to keep up my fecal matter production. This industry is one of hard work but great rewards, as I make the humans clean out my litter box at a more frequent pace. With a growing obesity index amongst humans, they need the exercise.

Quality of life:

Things here are so-so. I'm still getting plenty of exercise as I run rampantly throughout the compound, jumping on all the furniture, on counters and into cupboards when people leave them open for me. I have been receiving lots of good training time by attacking the little people around here, and one of them even falls for my luring him into a little hand to paw combat from time to time. He tastes a bit funny with that 11 yr old boy smell he has going on, but the taste of his blood mostly makes up for it. However, that being said, I think the political atmosphere around here is a bit tyrranical. Yes, I own this place and these people, but the official balance of power leaves much to be desired. they also have worked hard to contain me within the walls of the compound, and not letting me out onto the deck to oversee the perimeter.

Onto my rant:
Keeping with the balance of power, election tuesday came and went. I voted for myself to become supreme leader in this Mookified Compound, and being feline I get a vote for each and everyone of my claws, and the rest get their normal 1 vote. However, somehow I still lost. I'm not sure who to blame, and I'm not naming names here, but it rhymes with dookie. Which is what this election farce smells like. It's worse than my litter box when they ignore it!

I think, much like the General defected from the Branch Duanians, I too will defect and startup my own compound, where I run the show actively, not just behind the scenes business. The General's tyrranical hand has shown itself, as you can see in the picture above, and I don't need to take that abuse. I'll probably stick around for the rest of the year, then after collecting any Christmas loot, I may well just move on out. For a coup de grace, I may work to convince the lady and the two little people to come with me, leaving the General to be the ruler of only himself. And he'll have to actually provide his own compound security. I know what he does for a living, so I doubt he'll be able to contract outside help. Should prove to be very interesting, and he wil then realize where the true power in this place lies: With me...King Supreme Emperor Lord Almighty Colonel Beauregard Sterling Lovell has a nice ring to it. Don't you agree? You'd better or I'll fleece your naughty parts with my claws of death!

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