Friday, July 25, 2008

Feline War On Pests Continues

From the Desk of the Colonel
From: Colonel Beauregard Sterling Lovell

Fellow Felines And Our Pet Humans:

I come today with grave news. After taking a policy of containment in our War on Pests, things have once again taken a turn for the worse. We have already waged a great offensive over the last year, having eliminated the majority of the enemy flea insurgents, we felt confident in the containment of other likely terrorist entities.

Unfortunately, last week saw a resurgence of this terrorist group. Intelligence has concluded that radical teachings of the "reproduction against repression" variety have been taught to young underlings who found themselves subservient to the messages of the terrorist flea masters, hidden deep within hidden realms of the Feline Territory. With mass proliferation of these insurgents to all sectors, Mookist Brigades were taken by surprise while out on holiday leave. No casualties were reported on our side, but all leaves have been cancelled, and battlestations manned on full alert until further notice.

On Wednesday 23JUN2008 at 2130HRS, I, Colonel Beauregard Sterling Lovell, have submitted myself to alternate self-waterboarding, complete with full submersion and chemical bathing. While harsh on my system and psyche, I have committed myself to this harsh anti-terrorist tactic in an effort to flush out the extreme radical leadership. A second mission has been tentatively scheduled for a time TBA this upcoming weekend. We will also be looking to follow up with a Hartz UltraGuard Collar system with organophosphates (an anti-scouting internalized bio-weapons agent), along with potential use of high tech Advantage chemical weapons ordinances.

We know you all are looking to my leadership and the efforts of my army, to see if reinstituionalized tactics will be successful in quickly subduing terrorist activities entirely. We promise, upon success of our mission, we will quickly disseminate our plans for anti-insurgency throughout the feline world, to rapidly deploy forces and eradicate our world of the evil which infests our everyday lives.

Please keep us in your prayers, as we take the fight to the enemy. Upon success, our forces will be drawn down to the most minimal numbers, as we are a peaceful species, content in our lives of luxury supported by our pet humans in peace and tranquility.


Anonymous said...

Keep up the fight! The Pests must lose!

They don't like us because are freedom lovers. Pests are freedom haters.

Mookie said...

Thank you for your patriotic support. WE exercise the nuclear option tomorrow....if that doesn't work, I'm burning the place down!! LOL

Anonymous said...

NOOOO, not that option.

I guess the fur will grow back...