"War Over!" Colonel B.S. Lovell Proclaims

A MESSAGE FROM OUR COLONEL
This past weekend, our forces responded to the recent inflammation of insurgent terrorist pests. Our initial offensive failed the week before. This time, we responded with absolute reckless abandon, exercising our "nuclear option" wreaking havoc throughout the entire Mookist domain.

Subjecting terrorists to a soapy waterboarding session proved to be the initial step towards eradicating the pestilent forces. I, Colonel Beauregard Sterling Lovell, under the guidance of General Mookie, subjected myself to this treatment. High stress levels, and loss of much hair resulted from the chemical bath. However, this was necessary in our fight to maintain our freedom from filthy bugs. We had to send a message that no measure is too costly; that we would not be deterred by weakness of any sort. After an evacuation from the interior Mookist headquarters, I nearly suffered hypothermia, but rest assured, I have recovered fully. Hair loss is still there, but has reduced itself to almost pre-treatment levels of natural shedding.
While in recovery, The General, and my other pet humans he calls the family, took out the laundry for a four hour species-cleansing event, while unleashing 3 fully powered flea bombs designed to fully eradicate the Mookist territory of all pests. With a total combined "saturation capability" of 15,000 cubic feet, the 5680 cubic feet zone of occupation was more than fully affected with our state of the art weaponry.

Upon arrival from the laundry zone, General Mookie oversaw a sweep and destroy mission to completely flush out any possible hidden surviving terrorists, culminating in the balcony drop of the tv/sleep facilitating "big brown couch". As luxurious as this piece of furniture was, it was identified as a possible stronghold for more terrorist cells to flourish. The General's wife demanded its removal from the Mookified State, and thusly, it met a nice 12 foot freefall to death, and eventually to the dumpster. More spraying, more vaccuuming, blah blah blah....the threat assessment has been dropped from full alert to normal peacetime levels.

Outfitted with my Collar of Valor, I have volunteered to be reimmersed within the week to ensure the end of surviving cells once and for all.
And to you, fellow felines, and your lesser human counterparts, it is with great pride that I, Colonel Beauregard Sterling Lovell announce that by staying the course, we have achieved victory. We will try to schedule a victory parade sometime int he near future. For those unable to attend, we will try to attain Jay Burns video making services to put it on YouTube for you all to see. Thank you again for your patience and support throughout this conflict. It truly made the difference knowing that you all shared our desire for liberty and freedom.

Feline War On Pests Continues

From the Desk of the Colonel
From: Colonel Beauregard Sterling Lovell

Fellow Felines And Our Pet Humans:

I come today with grave news. After taking a policy of containment in our War on Pests, things have once again taken a turn for the worse. We have already waged a great offensive over the last year, having eliminated the majority of the enemy flea insurgents, we felt confident in the containment of other likely terrorist entities.

Unfortunately, last week saw a resurgence of this terrorist group. Intelligence has concluded that radical teachings of the "reproduction against repression" variety have been taught to young underlings who found themselves subservient to the messages of the terrorist flea masters, hidden deep within hidden realms of the Feline Territory. With mass proliferation of these insurgents to all sectors, Mookist Brigades were taken by surprise while out on holiday leave. No casualties were reported on our side, but all leaves have been cancelled, and battlestations manned on full alert until further notice.

On Wednesday 23JUN2008 at 2130HRS, I, Colonel Beauregard Sterling Lovell, have submitted myself to alternate self-waterboarding, complete with full submersion and chemical bathing. While harsh on my system and psyche, I have committed myself to this harsh anti-terrorist tactic in an effort to flush out the extreme radical leadership. A second mission has been tentatively scheduled for a time TBA this upcoming weekend. We will also be looking to follow up with a Hartz UltraGuard Collar system with organophosphates (an anti-scouting internalized bio-weapons agent), along with potential use of high tech Advantage chemical weapons ordinances.

We know you all are looking to my leadership and the efforts of my army, to see if reinstituionalized tactics will be successful in quickly subduing terrorist activities entirely. We promise, upon success of our mission, we will quickly disseminate our plans for anti-insurgency throughout the feline world, to rapidly deploy forces and eradicate our world of the evil which infests our everyday lives.

Please keep us in your prayers, as we take the fight to the enemy. Upon success, our forces will be drawn down to the most minimal numbers, as we are a peaceful species, content in our lives of luxury supported by our pet humans in peace and tranquility.