Thursday, November 19, 2009

Titles I've Earned or Being Nominated For This Year

1. Rent-a-Cop of the Year 2009 (Nominated)
As the first Rent-a-Cop to have this honor bestowed upon me 2 years in a row, I'm pretty sure I have this one locked in. There are a couple challengers, but as a top notch Rent-a-Cop, I'm not at all threatened by their nominations. After all, they'd have to do something pretty spectacular to unseat a worthy incumbent of this award. Of course it helps to have humility in my job, and I must say I am the most humble person I know.

2. Duck-Duck-Goose Championship of 2009 (WINNER!)
Need I say more? Of course, it was pointed out that as the only participant in the championship round, I easily won because I was able to goose myself, and not able to duck myself in the process. Hard Fought victories are always criticized by those who couldn't achieve such levels of greatness

3. Red Rover Championship of 2009 (Runner Up)
Well, I might have been the champion outright, but due to the fact that I was the victim of a vicious clotheslining on my last run, I had to settle for second place...call me Mr Congeniality. I suppose it also helps to maybe divide the classes of competition by height. The other team was all so tall that every last one of them had their arms as low as they could go....I still couldn't get my head above their arms.

4. 13th Annual Dr James of the Year Award (Nominated)
I have one this very prestigious award within the "internet doctor" community once before, after having my groundbreaking research paper on Cooties published (see short synopsis here) not only within the James Institute of Medicine's Journal of Faux Medical Conditions, but also within the realm of great blogs, such as this one, as well as a few others which were mysteriously erased by the AMA's hit squad of disinformation. I thought my chances were really good on winning this one. Then I read the names and files on the nominees. I still have a chance, however, Dr James II, a clear contender, may end up being the overall winner. In addition to his great medical efforts to create an adoption campaign and process which should conclude in the first half of next year, he also has another distinguishable mark on his record. His efforts in inter-species communication finally saw a breakthrough with this instance. It seems that in an effort to flirt with his wife while driving down the road, he became confused and called her fat. For the full and informative study on this medical miracle go here. The medical miracle here is of course, that he didn't suffer a sudden and violent death. This alone is almost certain to cement him into the winner's circle.
One lucky thing about not being the winner is the fact that the eventual winner has to pay the tab on the banquet ceremony as well as at the pre- and post-ceremony bar gatherings. I shouldn't have to worry about much. My only medical accomplishments this year are my ability to be lazy and sit on my butt, and still lose 17 lbs of bodyweight. Thats right..no fad diets, or exercise programs...I did it all by being lazy.

5. Sexiest Man of the Year- Lovell Household (Nominated)
Being the only adult male in my household, I sure as hell hope I win this one. If not, there are going to be some serious questions to be asked and allegations to be made.

6. Lovell Household Greenthumb Award (Winner)
As the only person in this house to keep a plant alive for over 3 weeks, I was easily declared the winner in this competition.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

rent a cop i hereby challenge you on that count, and the loss of 17lbs no excirse i am going to have to call the fib card on that one .

Mookie said...

Anonymous-

Welcome to the blog Oh Mysterious One. Well, you can challenge all you want, but you must know that all challenges must be made with an actual identity, and should be spelled correctly. As for the no exercise, it is true, in March I weighed 191, in mid July I weighed 174....I personally blame it on getting some actual sleep, plus a nice stress reducing 2 week vacation. The exercise I do now, only started a couple months ago...I have thus far thrown on 3 lbs, but at least it isn't jello this time around!

renaissanceguy said...

What! No Nobel Peace Prize?

What is this world coming to?

Mookie said...

RGuy-

Nope, sorry. No Nobel Peace Prize for me. I try to stick to the less heady awards. Now if I won the Nobel for anything, that (MIGHT) actually be something to justify my ego....and trust me...you don't want that. And my wife...I dunno, she might be force to kill me in hopes of reigning my ego in at that point!

However, my plans to be President in the 2016 election are still playing out. I'm up to at least 140 votes so far. Those efforts alone just might get me on the Nobel list.

Anonymous said...

do plastic plants count as being alive? or was it just because your femine side came out and you talked to it?

Mookie said...

Plastic plants are for morons...but yes, I do talk t whatever plants I bring into the house....they remind me a lot of the voices in my head!