Saturday, September 20, 2008

Black Hole on Earth Avoided,...Temporarily

Recently announced by James Gillies, spokesman for CERN, the European nuclear research organization was that the Large Hadron Collider located under the French-Swiss border has broken down.

Experts have yet to go down to conduct all the necessary tests to determine the exact cause, "...but it seems to be a faulty electrical connection between two magnets that stopped superconducting, melted and led to a mechanical failure and let the helium out," according to Gillies.

Particle accelerators have been known to fail before and be fixed and up and running within a few days. However, with the massive size (a 17 mile circular loop tunnel) and operating process (cooled to near absolute zero, which by the way is way colder than outer space) have the repairs on this accelerator not being finished for a couple months, minimum.

Given the extreme temperature variables, the sector which has failed must be warm up in a controlled manner, before technicians can even begin to work on repairing the machine.

What does this mean to us? Well I don't know about you, but I'm pretty sure they could've spent the $10 billion dollars a lot better over the last two decades. I really could've used a sponsorship to turn me into a hulking mass of flexible functional muscle and been spurred onto a great career in the NFL. Or how about fat and calorie neutral Big Macs, Huh? wouldn't THAT be awesome?

Another major objection to the project was fear that the LHC could produce mini black holes that could very well suck our planet into non-existence. Here at the Mookified Institute of Technology, we would not necessarily be opposed to this if we can in fact control the fields of negative gravity. Then we could target specific morons...at the speed of light!!! Christians, like myself, who are not in the loop, may be spurred on to believe the rapture was indeed taking place, as we zipped people from their feet into nothingness. It might even cause immediate conversion on the spot for onlookers. Of course the flipside of this, might just be the cataclysmic falling apart of people and governments all over the world, catapulting us into an actual nuclear war.
But with this technology, and control of it, we could literally disinvent the nuke in midair. YES, if I can get my hands on technology like that, I would be the ultimate (human) power in the universe!!!! Cross my path with an odd look will you?? Oh yes, you and your rebel friends won't be able to hide any longer!!! MWUHAHAHAHA..hack hack..(excuse me for a moment) HACK,...augh, hairballs! Yuck!

And you thought this might actually be a serious blog for a moment didn't you? Admit it, I sucked you in like a black hole, and then spit you out like chicken bones!!! HAHAHAHA

1 comment:

theslowbleed.com said...

Yea, I was banking on the whole "destroy the world" thing so unfortunately I slacked off that weekend not thinking I would have to write another blog - my bad.