Wednesday, October 29, 2008

The things my kid says and does

Okay, so I have determined, without a shadow of a doubt, that my youngest child is quite weird. I'd like to push that credit elsewhere, but for anyone who knows me, knows better.

First of all, when going to the bathroom, he likes to have his privacy. And yet, he expects full access when other people are in the bathroom. The other day, he decides to walk in while I'm in there. He just stands next to me (I'll try not to get too graphic) and makes the observation, "Yours is bigger than Josh's (my 9 year old)." It was odd to hear that, and I'm exhilirated to know that I'm more advanced in that particular area than a 9 year old kid to be sure, but at the same time, his deadpan delivery being so matter of fact made it hard for me to keep from laughing. It was as if, this is just one of those common conversation pieces, like he was just saying hello, or something.

When wrestling around, he has gotten the idea that if he can pull his opponents' pants down, he'll win the fight for sure. When he runs at me, and I palm his face to hold him away, he has taken to sticking out his tongue and licking my hand. Apparently, his arsenal of natural fighting tools is much more devastating in his own mind as compared to reality.
If the wrestling involves both him and his brother, Josh, along with me, he has no problem asking for help when Josh or I get him into a bind. But, immediately after getting help, he has no issue attacking his immediate previous beenfactor. The child soesn't seem to understand alliances. Unless it is between me and his mom. In which case, no matter who's right, or winning, they take her side. I've heard them thank her for something I provided. If I speak up to take the credit, rightfully so, I am informed immediately by either one or both of them that "NO, Mommy did/got it for us."
I guess I'm just the Dad. I'm only important when they decide it to be so.

When trying to amuse neighbors outside as they walk to or from their cars, Corwyn has a range of activities he employs. Sometimes, its just mindless chatter of thoughts that enter his mind at random. Other times its singing, or dancing around in front of them. However lately, he will act like he is punching himself in the head, and fall over..or more violently, he will punch himself in the beans, and then double over groaning, yet watches for observable reactions. The kid is just plain goofy, and self destructive, all for a little attention. He once entertained some traveling magazine sales people by using his head as a wrecking ball on our steel file cabinet, hitting it as hard as he could, and then looking up at them smiling. One girl made the mistake of exclaiming horror that he just hit himself, and then asked if he was alright. His Response: He grinned even bigger and slammed his head back into the file cabinet.

He has also taken to proclaiming a certain sense of authority. When told to sit in his chair and finish his sandwich at lunchtime, he will have none of it, and repeat the command back with a big emphasis on in "YOU sit in YOUR chair and finish YOUR sandwich." Whether or not I have a sandwich is immaterial to him. He has decided that, until he's found the end of my rope of patience with him, that he is the ultimate authority in his small world.

He also tends to blend the past and present when it fits his wants and needs. If having been given permission to go to the neighbor's house to visit their little girl on one day, that permission applies for all future instances as well. If his mother let him have something for one of her snackfoods last night, if he asks for it today, he expects it to be given to him. Telling him that the snack is his mother's, and I can't say yes or no, so he has to wait for his mom...he wil retort with "Mom already said yes I could have it."

Corwyn is definitely one bold little boy. I'm not sure how Josh will be when he is a teenager, but I have a feeling that if Corwyn and I have a disagreement, as all teenagers and their dad's have at some point or another, it might get pretty interesting. I only hope he can't physically dominate his old man at that point.


swfreedomlover said...

OMG that was toooooo FUNNY!!!!! Thanks for sharing that. Your timing is imbecible as I was just wondering when you were going to entertain me again..........LOL

You have your hands full with that one and might want to start stocking up on the valium for yourself (or him) now............or he will try your patience for sure.

*giving myself blessings that I am so grateful to be past those days now*

Mookie said...

don't you mean impecable?....cuz it almost looks like you're calling me an imbecile!!!

Sherry said...

Mike, this is funny! Especially the bathroom confrontation.

Kids do say the darnedest things.

Shirley Buxton said...

I'll be praying and fasting for you; you definitely will be needing abundant help when he's a teenager.

...on another you know these are the best times of your life?
I believe you are wise enough to enjoy them...well, most of them.

swfreedomlover said...

Yes Mike, I meant impeccable. THAT is how hard you had me laughing, I didn't even notice my typo.

You gotta love the innocence and honesty of kids. The stuff they say is priceless!